Another late log. I am clearly in one of my “moods”, so I’m doing the best I can.
This week contained a lot of “dealing with other people’s madness”. Not the “good” kind of madness, ie: the creative kookiness, but rather the madness that leads to serious problems in this planet. (problems that only I can see, apparently)
- Tons of stressing over a Big Thing I went for. A thing I didn’t really want, but which would have made a big difference and would have granted me security and stability. Lots of preparing for this thing. And then I didn’t get it.
- Serious internal work in preparation for said Big Thing, which lead me to important insights into “What Truly Matters”. The secret is to stay connected to What Truly Matters.
- Dealing with bullsh*t. Cannot believe the extent of the bullsh*t. People who are not me seem to have a much, much higher tolerance for bullsh*t, and it is hard to not see this intolerance as the biggest obstacle to my existence on this planet.
- Dealing with other people’s madness. So much madness, and I find it at times reassuring (I’m not the only one who’s mad!) and at times exasperating.
- Strong suicidal urges. (Note: I am OK). And a humongous meltdown of huge proportions. I am mostly OK, but I do have strong suicidal urges right now.
- Yoga! Finally! I went to yoga class and it was awesome and I loved it! I’m planning on making it a regular thing.
Moments of Insight
Everyone is mad.
No, really, everyone is mad. At least some of the time.
This is a revelation to me, because I tend to go around thinking I am the only one with internal dramas, the only one who is bonkers.
But the more I work with my stuff and learn to be OK as I am, in other words, the more I accept myself and my madness, the more I realise that other people are mad too.
May we all learn how to work with out stuff, so that the madness subdues.
Things of Considerable Worth (Un-missables!)
- Here’s Pema Chodron on Oprah, for Super Soul Sunday.
I highly recommend her “compassionate abiding” practice, for when you feel pain, suffering, unwanted feelings…
- First, contact it in your body. Feel it in your body.
- Second, breath it all in. Breath in the whole “unwanted” thing. Feeling insecure, discontent rejected, unloved, fear, rage. When you breath in you open to it. Breath in, make the heart bigger and bigger. Surrender.
- Third, in the out-breath you give it a lot of space. Relax and ventilate the feeling. Giving it space.
One very hard and challenging week logged.
Here’s my sincere wish that things get easier…