The basic principles behind what I teach
What is this approach of which you speak???
It’s all about helping you deal with life better. Liking yourself. Getting along with other people. Understanding why some things happen to you, and how you can change how you relate to what happens to you. Learning about yourself, how you function, so you can do things differently. Getting unstuck. Learning to flow with life. Not getting quite so depressed and anxious.
Helping you realise that you’re not “flawed”, you just need to find the ways to adapt your world to meet your needs.
Helping you unlearn the ways you function that don’t serve you and discover the ways that do.
In short: helping you stay emotionally balanced in the face of every event in life.
Example! Working with Procrastination
On the surface, it might look like helping you get things done.
But in reality, it’s working on your relationship to those things you want to do. Do you feel conflicted? Scared? Frustrated? Ashamed?
Does the thought of doing the things you want to do send you up a tree in panic?
We work with our fears, our issues, our triggers, our traumas; we work with our anxiety, even our depression.
Your… (cringe word alert!) “issues”. Or as we call them around here, your “stuff”.
Those old stories that you can’t seem to drop. Outdated beliefs about yourself, such as “I cannot possibly do that” or “I’ve never been any good at this”. Or “I’m no good at anything” to “no one will ever love me”.
We explore all of this, and we get it to shift, so you can begin to do these things in a way that works for you.
The Biggest Lesson I have learned from doing this work
Whenever you want to do something, but aren’t doing it, there is always something deeper going on than we realise.
In fact, that’s a lesson on it’s own: there is always something deeper going on than the realise. And it shows itself through the everyday moments of “stuck” or challenges, or moments of sadness.
The Big, Existential Dramas from our lives play out in the everyday in the form of depression, anxiety, procrastination and the like.
So really, truly, there is always something bigger going on than we realise. Always.
Working on “the inside” to change “the outside”
What drew me to this work was the idea that I could change the “outside world” if I worked on my “inside world”.
Some of us are more “inside world” focused. We just are. We are more sensitive, more aware of subtleties, emotions, overarching themes. But nobody teaches us how to use all of this, how to organise it, work with it. Nobody teaches us how the “inside” and the “outside” interact.
(Oh, and this is important: nobody knows how the “inside” and the “outside” interact. It’s not a simple relationship. It’s neither “everything” nor “nothing”. They are linked, for sure, but nobody understands precisely how.)
Some of us are simply more “inside” focused.
Example: when given the choice, we would much rather turn inwards, into inner worlds, our psyches, myths and stories, rather than be “out there” in the physical world of business, offices, “making things happen”.
In an ideal world, these 2 would be balanced. Both would be recognised, both would be valued.
We don’t live in an ideal world.
And so those of us who are “inside focused”, who are introspective and reflective, have no idea how to navigate the world, how to make sense of the “inside” and the “outside”, and the relationship between them.
We are told that we must “do the thing”, make the damn phone call, as if it was simply a matter of force overcoming laziness.
But it isn’t.
Maybe the phone call is positively charged with meaning. Or past memories. Or possible dreams coming true that scare us.
Where does this “Work” come from?
What I call “work with your stuff” is present in every philosophical path I’ve encountered.
- Yoga calls it the “mind” or the “lower mind”.
- Buddhism calls it the “mind” as well.
- Psychology calls it the “ego”.
- Jungian psychology calls it “the shadow”.
Buddhism, for example, will instruct you to sit down and observe whatever arises in your mind.
What I teach is a similar process, but faster.
You do sit down and observe, but you focus on something specific. And you don’t just observe it but play with it, turn it this way and that, so that you really get to know it. All so that you can learn everything about it, why it’s there, what it’s trying to tell you. So you can then move on with your life.
It’s like mindfulness for the 21st century you who has things to do and can’t spend years sitting on a meditation cushion waiting for “stuff to arise”. We choose to go after the stuff, and then take action. Creative, mindful, conscious, loving action.
This approach is compassionate, kind, mindful, sovereign.
If the way you approach your challenges is compassionate, then that compassion will become your way of life.
Because how you approach your obstacles is a reflection of how you approach life.
OK, but what do you actually do?
I teach simple daily practices that you can integrate into your everyday life.
These are techniques that actually work, because the emphasis is on adapting them to make sure that they do.
Once you know the basics, you keep practicing by yourself and you keep making progress in every area of your life. Almost as if you were your own therapist.
We first kindly allow our stuff to be there. We allow ourselves space for things to not be perfect (even to be a bit sucky).
We then try things, experiment with practices, play around. Creatively and with kindness.
It could be journaling, answering questions, examining the narrative, doing something with your body or your breath, applying boundaries, invoking qualities, imagine a perfect scenario, wishing for things, etc.
There’s endless ways to work with your stuff (read: your issues), once you get the hang of it and you’re not so impressed (read: scared) by it.
You then discover what you want and need; what you won’t put up with, what you absolutely cannot have.
AND you find out a way to live that actually works for you.
This “system” is fool proof. Because you cannot fail at observing yourself.
If the goal is to observe yourself, you are always winning. And it is always doable.
Even when you don’t want to do it, you can always observe that state of “don’t want to” and ask questions and interact with that feeling, so you can get information about why you don’t want to do it.
I hope that’s clear!
So, are you an expert at this?
Hahaha! Sorry, I’m laughing because: there are no experts at this.
Sure, I have practiced for years and years, and I know the basic process, but that only means I am faster than I used to be, and can put the techniques into practice more efficiently.
But expert? No. There are no experts.
It’s like being an expert at meditation. There aren’t any, because it can’t be done.
That’s OK, though, because it means there is no pressure to get anywhere ;)
How do I get started???
And of course, there’s the blog.
I’m wishing you the very best in your search for awesomeness and healing.
PS: One last thing!
It’s important to me that you know I have researched and researched as many philosophies, practices and concepts as I’ve been able to, and I only ever teach the ones I have personally found useful.
Sometimes the most useful idea is the simplest one.
I did a yoga teacher training in Tantra, have studied Buddhism for years, and now I read a lot about Jungian psychology.
These are beautiful philosophies, and they do inform my philosophy, but I don’t teach them because I have not found them “practical”. And my goal, above everything else, is to help you change, actually change for real.
Because you have things to do, and you cannot spend 3 hours every day sitting in meditation, or doing breath-work. (Though of course these are a great idea, to do some times!)
Can I interest you in some links to give you a clearer idea of what this is all about?
Hey, a whole page about me!
Read my story and what I’m up to these days.
Is This You?
Find out if you are one of the people this website is for
My guiding principles what I believe in