I’m hoping this takes me to a system of catacombs…

I found Havi’s blog in September 2010.
That’s when I first came across her practice of “looking at the week that was and taking stock”.

Four years later, I am ready to start my own.

Let’s pause for a minute to take in the enormity of this.
After four years of wanting to start a regular practice of “looking at the week that was”, I am now able to do it.
Four years! FOUR YEARS!!!

As a “recovery depressed” I have issues with the whole “passing of time” thing

You know, when you wake up one fine morning and you realise that “sh!t, December is next month! A whole year has passed by and my life still sucks!!!”.
Or “sh!t, my birthday is next month and my life still sucks, and I’m old and nobody will ever love me!”.

When you are seriously depressed, your perception of time goes all funny.

Because we tend to measure time by “how much we achieve in it”, when you are depressed and don’t achieve much of anything, you feel that time isn’t really going by.
There’s a lot of healing to do here.
I’ve already come a long, long way. Which is great.

And I can safely say that mindfulness is the way to healing our relationship with time.
Which is why I’m starting this ritual. Because I want to take my healing further.

Here are some of the “aspects” or “qualities” that I want this practice to have:

• Reflecting. Pausing. PROCESSING the HARD. (Or wishing that the HARD is processed)
  Essentially sitting down and being curious about my week and about my life.
  “OK, yes, I know it immediately feels as if EVERYTHING IS HELL but what else is going on? Can we get any more specific than “HELL”? And if I can’t, then that is information too, and it counts”.
  That kind of thing.

• Gentle acknowledging, gentle remembering, gentle accountability.
  With zero added guilt: If I don’t want to write about my week, I don’t have to. I can get creative and talk about other things.

• Keeping a record.
  Taking a moment to acknowledge the stuff my life is made of, because otherwise I end up thinking “THERE IS NOTHING IN MY LIFE, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, IT IS COMPLETELY EMPTY OF THINGS AND NOTHING EVER HAPPENS!!!”.
  It’s the whole “take a look at your life while your life is happening, before it passes away”.
  In other words: it’s mindfulness in action. Paying attention. Curiosity.

• And hopefully by doing THAT I will be able to stay grounded and maybe even do more things, which is incredibly hard for me because I am a Gemini and I live in my head…
  Also: structure is important.

• Making Widdershins my home.
  Right now it doesn’t feel like my home. I cannot talk about how hard things are, because I feel this pressure to be on my best behaviour at all times, and that is exhausting and not homely at all.
  “People are watching” and “what will they think of you if you talk about things being hard, huh?”.

• Wishes. Wishing feels important.
  Sitting down with my wishes, my dreams…
  (and my week, my life)
  And giving kindness, attention and perhaps even love.

Beginning tomorrow: The Weekly Log

I shall be “logging in”. Writing a log. Logging it up. Or throwing a proverbial log into purifying fire.

And I hope this inspires you to start your own ritual for “looking at the week that was”.

Note: If you understand the reference in the photo, award yourself 1000 Widdershins points! :D
(also, looking forward to lots of wood/log related jokes in the future)