Coming back from a trip, or an adventure, no matter how small, is always a challenge for me.
Even though the yoga festival I attended last weekend wasn’t “big” (ie: it only lasted 3 days) it still brought its own twister of emotional turmoil into my life.
(yes, monsters, I get that “it doesn’t take that much to bring emotional turmoil to my already tumultuous life”.)
This week was full of that. Let’s dive in.
- The monsters in my head that scream “omg, I am so mad!!!” were extra loud this week.
It may have to do with my “so-called-life” being so different to the people I interact with, and there has been a lot of “interacting with people” this week. A breath for this.
- All the neurosis around how “My life hasn’t changed!!!” and “things need to change so much, omg!”. And then swinging to the opposite “no matter what I do or don’t do, nothing changes”. Challenging.
- Monday: the day after the festival. Resting and more resting.
In pyjamas. Oh, yeah. And also, catching up with the internet. Having my coffee. Reading my book. Enjoying the whole “being ME” of my everyday life.
And also, helping out a friend.
I am learning some seriously challenging and important lessons on “friendship” and “community” and “give and take and give and take again”. These lessons are moving and heart-breaking, by which I mean “they are so emotional and love-infused that they break the heart wide open”.
Over and over again I find myself in situations where I cannot understand why people are kind to me, and then I cannot understand why people are so grateful when I do something for them.
This whole “interdependence” thing, it’s challenging. It’s beautiful, sure, but beautiful is also challenging. Growing the heart is not easy, but it is worth it.
- The weather!
It is suddenly so cold, it’s practically Autumn! I am having all the panics about “time is passing by and we are still in Hell” and “how are we going to survive the winter when we are so, so, so poor”, etc.
- Tuesday: Still exhausted. A breath for needing rest and how hard it is to give it to myself. I easily default into “I shouldn’t be tired because I slept, damn it, what is wrong with me”.
- Met up with S and R.
I am in awe. I am in awe at the people in my life, and I am increasingly more and more in awe.
I am in awe that they are in my life, and I am in awe that I have come such a long way that I can marvel at these people being in my life, which is something I have never been able to do before.
- Body worries
Trouble breathing. I don’t know why, but it’s possible it’s related to the heat.
My throat is hurty. No idea why.
My appetite is shrinking. Inexplicable.
- Talking to people about the Biggest (super secret) Dream. This is a Very Big Deal.
- Wednesday: Integration.
Even more resting time, quiet time, spending time tending to the internal world. Interacting with neurosis and “I am fed up” and all kinds of “yuck”. Also: being back to this routine that isn’t healthy for me, and that makes me lose my marbles regularly. A breath for wanting change and change not happening, and for being “stuck” in not-so-healthy places.
- Thursday: I am clearly in one of my moods. Lots of crying and “holding on for dear life”.
I wrote a post on depression and suicide, and I had no response. A breath for doing something super challenging and getting zero validation.
Plus, I had a rough night. Waking up several times, then woke and stayed away, my thoughts getting darker and darker, til sleep took me.
- Plus I published my review of the yoga experience. Braveness!
- Also, noticing body sensitivity. I may be about to get a cold. Or is all this rest trying to keep a cold at bay? Not sure.
- Friday: Packing and rushing.
Rushing to yoga! Yin yoga! (yay!) Rushing to Swansea!
Cat-sitting and getting my dose of cat-ness :D I have an Oscar for the weekend. (aka: Osquito or Osquitus. This appears to be his nickname for the weekend)
- Saturn and Venus… Still a challenge. A breath for this on-going, seemingly never-ending challenge!
- Finding out people are reading my blog.
And then they tell me casually about it. And I have “casual” feelings, as opposed to the panic that could result from the realisation that “people are actually reading my neurosis! W00t?!?”.
Instead, I feel mostly calm. Surprised, yes. But mostly calm. Un-precedented.
Moments of Insight
This week’s “insights” can’t be explained with words.
There weren’t that many, maybe 2.
I felt… small changes in my perception of things. Very, very small, but I felt them.
And one had to do with the Biggest Dream! Yay for changes!
Things of Considerable Worth (Un-missables!)
One of the workshops at the festival was based on “tapping” and “energy”.
I found out about this woman’s work thanks to this workshop. Her name is Donna Eden, and she came up with this practice called “energy medicine”, ie: using the body’s energy to heal itself.
Let me be the one to say it first: yes, I am fully aware of how woo woo and whacky this sounds. But I’m gonna try doing this because, after 2 years of yoga, I’ve become sensitive to all sorts of things, which means that I can now feel… “something”, when tapping on certain points.
On this particular interview, she talks about things you can do if you are struggling with depression.(it’s the one titled “Energy Interventions When Meridian Tapping is Not Working”)
- And from the wacky, to the… actually, I have no words.
To celebrate its… ehm… 20 years, they have re-made the Sailor Moon anime.
I grew up with Sailor Moon. It landed in my life when I was 13. *memories*
So I am recommending it to everyone because, well, yes. It’s my childhood. (How’s that for a reason?)
That’s it for this week
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