Pausing the Memory

I don’t know what triggered the memory.

But suddenly, here it is: the moment I found out that my smart, sensitive boyfriend liked “g*rl on g*rl” stuff.

There it was: the disgusting, filthy, vile, repugnant, rotten goo of poison hidden somewhere inside his heart.

Disappointment.
Eventually they all prove to have this disgusting, filthy, vile, repugnant, rotten goo of poison inside them. Argh.

I wanted nothing more to do with him at that point. But of course I didn’t listen, now, did I?
Even though it disgusted me. Even though I couldn’t get out of my head how disgusting he was.
Even though I had effectively lost all my respect for him.

Boundaries

I’m applying boundaries across space and time.

I’ve frozen the image.
“My boyfriend had just told me something that shocked me”. STOP.

In the image, I’m acknowledging my shock. My disappointment. My disgust.
And the grief at the collapse of this “image” I had of him as a smart, sensitive, “all round good guy”.

Breathing. In… out…

And now I say it. To myself: “I want nothing more to do with you. Or with your disgusting, filthy, vile, repugnant, rotten goo of poison.”
I stand up.
The boundary is set.

And I switch the image off.

It will do for now.

Important Notes! Caveats! Etc

This is what “pausing the memory” looks like, step by step:

  • I acknowledged what I was remembering, ie: I noticed that I was remembering and that there was “stuff” in the memory.
  • I acknowledged how upset the memory made me now, and how upset it made me then.
  • I noticed this need to say “I want nothing more to do with you”.
  • So I walked myself through the memory. Focused exclusively on myself. And applied the boundary.

Now, I wanna make a few clarifications:

  • I’ve known of this technique for 3 years. Only used it now. That’s how long it took me to get to the point where I can work on my stuff on such a “memory” based level. (read: remember things and don’t lose it completely)
  • If you have seriously challenging memories, I don’t recommend starting out with this one. It might be best to try something way softer, like the one in my free e-book “Work with your Stuff”.
  • If you do try this technique and it brings up discomfort, STOP. Get back in your body and try something else.

Oh, and… this is difficult for me to share. Please tread carefully!

Hope it helps.