A late log due to excellent reasons. Undisclosed, like most reasons around here.
- My memories of this week have been hijacked by the potential presence of a shooting star (metaphorical). All kinds of worries and questions. Is this really a shooting star? What if it is just a lump of coal? What if, more importantly, I get burnt while trying to catch it? And what if it’s like all those past times when I thought I had caught a shooting star and ended up getting burnt while holding a lump of coal??? Worries aplenty, feelings aplenty. A veritable roller coaster of ups and downs. Trying to stay present with this whole experience, working with my stuff like crazy so as to honour the presence of this potential shooting star.
- Back to my other work. Finding out the true extent of my work’s problems. Yuck about it all. Trying to be of service, as best I can, for the people who show up.
- Went to a clothes swap event, where I disposed of my nicest unwanted clothes and returned with a wearable jumper, a dress of dubious quality, a dress of obvious non-quality, a pair of waterproof hiking boots, one very shiny bracelet, a jewellery box, and a single ankle boot. A team has been assigned for the retrieval of the missing boot, and all I can do is wait.
- Very little writing, and very little forward movement, partly because potential shooting stars are very distracting, and partly because things always take longer than I think they will. A breath for patience, for accepting my incomprehensible limitations, for doing what I can and loving what is.
- Bike problems, today. A mere week after having new tires and a new inner tube installed. Is there no end to this madness??? A breath for remembering that it’s not just me who gets bike problems.
- I only remembered yesterday that I forgot about my toothache, because it is hardly there. This is such a momentous occasion! I’ve had a toothache since September, non stop. I am still scared of speaking up about it, but it appears that things have actually worked out this time. May this be the end of a long, long journey. May all my learning from this experience be complete.
- I met a Guardian Journalist and published author last Sunday, and did not lose my marbles. Not only did I not lose my marbles, I had very, very little stuff, a mere shadow of its former glory (or should that be “gory”?). I even liked this journalists, and asked her questions. I cannot overestimate how big a deal this is for me. It’s been nearly 5 years of constant work, just to be able to function in a world where people become Guardian Journalists and I don’t. So I am awarding myself all the sparkle points, because if there is any proof of my (long sought) progress, this is it.
- Everything I knew appears to be disintegrating, through this interaction with the potential shooting star. Unexpected, nearly miraculous healing; stuff showing up in full force, a form of neurosis I have not seen in myself in a real long time. I am staying present to it all, reminding myself of every hard earned bit of wisdom I learned these past 5 years. It is paying off big time, as I am able to move from circle of fire to circle of fire, dissolving stuff as I go along. Thank you to every teacher I’ve had, and every tool I’ve learned. Being sans stuff is truly marvellous, though fleeting.
- Dealing with all the old patterns and memories, being triggered by the presence of the potential shooting star. Really challenging at times. A breath for the healing work.
- Serious Catch Up with Super Friend today. It was awesome. Joy for friends.
- Second Chakra appears alive. The expression “butterflies in the stomach” does not apply for me. It’s more like “Butterflies in the Second Chakra”. A breath for new experiences.
Moments of Insight
My insights this week have been short and sweet one liners.
- Who do I think I am to know everything that’s going on for everyone? No, not even that. More like, who do I think I am to think I *can* know everything that’s going on? Such arrogance.
- What if this is exactly what was meant to happen, and the Universe has set this experience up to direct some healing?.
- Maybe it’s all about accepting it as natural.
- Being sweet as honey.
- My only job is to glow love.
- The challenge is to sit right there in the “unknown”. In between the exhilaration of “it’s happening” and the heart-wrenching “it’s never happening”. Those two points feel safe because they are “final”. Yet life is never like that, and the challenge is staying in the uncomfortable “unknown”.
Things of Considerable Worth (Un-missables!)
Life is unfair—we are told this as children. But in my experience, people currently sitting on the sunnier side of this equation want to believe that their happy circumstances are a result only of their hard work and fine character.
depression, ADHD, anxiety, etc. aren’t chemical malfunctions of the brain, nor spiritual malfunctions of the mind; rather, they are forms of legitimate rebellion against life structures that are unworthy of one’s full participation or attention.
Yay, another log logged. Another week of practicing presence and believing in Love, in one form or another.
May we all move towards Love. May we all have the strength to accept the darkness… and turn it into light.