I’ve been back in the UK for 12 days, and I am *still* cold, most of the time.
- I didn’t have much work this week, which means I… didn’t do much at all. I wish I could break this pattern of “Oh, I have free time, let’s waste it with a vengeance”. I wish I was more “proactive” and practical, and got down to doing things and rocking it. A breath for being where I am, even when I wish I was somewhere else.
- Back at work. It’s like nothing has changed… At least I got to catch up with colleagues, and that was nice.
- Lunch with friend, dinner with friends. Plus I couldn’t help but sob during my weekly call with Online Group, and they we very supportive. It appears, once again, that I am more loved than I think.
- Tiny amount of progress on e-book! It’s almost, almost done. I made a to-do list and everything!
- Bike wheel went down, so I changed for a super badass new inner tube that is so super badass, it has cracked through the tire… Argh, bike problems, is like they never end.
- Moment of panic on Saturday as toothache came back while at work. I asked Online Group for prayers and healing vibes and got them. Today I went to the dentist and he said everything looks fine. Another breath for the pain, and a prayer for this story to find a resolution, finally.
- I went to a workshop on the shady “trade deals” currently being negotiated by Big Governments and Corporations, the better to profit from furthering the destruction of the planet. I have been away from the “political activist” scene for so long, I didn’t recognise anyone. Or maybe this was the “environmental movement” crowd, not the “Lefty and Feministy” crowd? At any rate, I went and I was ok, and didn’t go neurotic at all.
- Got new books! Actually, I got the new series by Lemony Snicket “All the wrong questions”.It’s just as enigmatic and witty as everything Lemony Snicket has written.
- Took another step on the “Soul Meeting” adventure. It hasn’t lead anywhere. But it was a step. On the other side, I now have confirmation of what I have long suspected, and I do not like it one bit. Struggling with that.
- I may have found my next habitat. Here’s to the good in that, the sense of relief and possibly and adventure.
- I went to the doctor and it appears I have trouble “letting go of the past”. Except, that’s not what she said. What she actually said was that I am… “constipated”. So I looked up “metaphysical meaning of disease”, and under constipation, sure enough, is “difficulty in letting go of the past”. It is extremely frustrating to know the metaphysical meaning of your illness, because too often there is little you can do, and knowing what you have to work on isn’t the same as actually working on it. A breath for this, may I find it easier to let go of the past.
- Talking to people about New Ventures. It turns out it’s all just as challenging as it was last year. Though I might have an idea, and I might implement it, if I can muster up the courage. A breath for the courage of putting myself out there, again and again.
Moments of Insight
- My first insight when I started this process of “Letting go of the past” was this: Dude, Of course it’s difficult to let go of the past, when it looks so much like the present!”. Not a huge insight perhaps, but it’s what came up. Of course it’s hard to let go of the past, no wonder, when everything around you reminds you of the past and of “things have always been the same”. I’m afraid of letting go of what I’ve learned because, hello, nothing has changed, and there are all these things I’ve learned!
- Let’s show some respect, some admiration even, towards the people who have the courage to show up for love. To show up in its absence, to show up despite its absence, and invite it, ask for it, flirt with it.
It takes tremendous courage to search for love. We make ourselves really, really vulnerable when we go out “dating”, exposing our hearts to possible rejection. And you know what, that vulnerability deserves respect. We are seriously courageous cookies, us singles out on the dating scene, sharing our hearts with total strangers and refusing to give up on love despite its unbearable, unrelenting absence. Yes, we are very brave. And, that bravery deserves respect.
- I don’t usually mention my “political” insights because I am yet unsure of how I can best write about politics without going insane or driving others insane, but I had a major realisation on the “Angry Feminist” stereotype, and why men feel so strongly about it. Feels important.
Things of Considerable Worth (Un-missables!)
Well, that was a long Log, a word which here means “it took me a long time, as usual”.
Here’s to bringing presence into everyday life, so we can maybe make some magic, and live adventures.