This week also had Quiet Joy. And a Blue Moon.
- This week also contained mostly Quiet Joy. It’s a quiet sense of “OK-ness”, of being mostly happy most of the time, but in a soft way. I am glad it’s here, and I am also grateful for the perspective I have on life when it’s here. I can see that I’m not “the only one” with issues, I’m not “wrong”, I am just one more person with a human life. It’s subtle, but it’s there, and it’s a world of difference from the full on meltdown “I am so screwed up!!!” I have known to experience.
- Lots of work. Like… lots. Exhausted, though grateful for the extra abundance in my life.
- Blue Moon… though it turned out to not be “blue” at all, just Big. I left my crystals outside all night for a “Moon Bath”. I prepared for the Moon’s arrival and for the “inner work”. I had candles, notepads, cards, music, writing of mine. I got quiet and listened, and attempted to gain clarity. What emerged wasn’t much, but it was linked to “wanting from a different place”; that is, no longer wanting from “desperation” and “clinginess”, but from… some other place. What place? That remains to be seen.
- Huge meltdown on Saturday. Super Friend was there for me through Facebook and it made *all the difference*. I asked for what I wanted, and I got it. I was able to cry and release a ton of stress, and integrate the lessons (hopefully). I don’t know how any of this is even possible, but it is, because it happened, and I am grateful.
- Wanting a Big Want, and making peace with it. Doing the inner work to either prepare for it to happen, or simply learn to accept my want as legitimate.
- Resting. Tons of resting and self-caring. And listening to Charles Eisenstein.
Moments of Insight
So much insight this week!
Coming face to face with my “people pleasing tendencies” and integrating the disappointment and hurt when they happen. Also learning how to set boundaries.
Learning to want from a different place. Just because desire is legitimate. Also, my instinct tells me that desire will lead to “giving of my gifts”, but even if it didn’t, my desire is still legitimate, and I don’t have to do something “big” and “impressive” to be worthy of what I want, to be worthy of love, to be worthy period.
While listening to Charles Eisenstein yesterday I realised how silly my anxieties are about “not being able to give of my gifts” and dying without making a positive contribution in this world. Every living creature longs to give of their gifts, every single one, down to our very cells. I cannot possibly be the exception to this rule. And so I will find a way to give of my gifts, eventually. Perhaps I am already doing it, even if “social convention” dictates I couldn’t possibly because it doesn’t look “big” and “impressive”.
Things of Considerable Worth (Un-missables!)
- Check it, check it! Tons of audio from Charles Eisenstein! The amount of wisdom here is mind boggling. There are two complete seminars, one on weight loss and the other on “The More Beautiful World”. Such a great find!
- Apparently what you write about isn’t all that important. Yes, you read that right: it’s not what you say is how you say it, and we can all stop searching for a “niche” already. I say great news, because if there is one person on this world whose writing is completely un-niche-able, that’s me.
Yay for another log logged. Sending light into the Universe, because I happen to have some to spare right now :)