• Stuff you can try,  Working with Stuff

    Being Single Alone

      It’s Valentine’s Day, or as we call it on this website, “Valiant Day”, and since this time tends to wreck the nerves of us single people, I thought I would come out of my Writer’s Block to share the best advice I can give you on how to deal with singleness in a world of coupledness. And that advice is:   “You do not talk about being single with people who are coupled”.   Now you may be thinking “whaaat?”, so don’t worry, I will expand on this. And if you regularly find yourself in painful conversations with your coupled friends, you may want to read until the end.  …

  • Stuff you can try,  Working with Stuff

    “All my friends will leave me” – How to work with fear

    The challenge is to separate the emotions from the story. Acknowledge the emotions, and let go of the story. So many people cannot differentiate between the two. They see an emotion, and have to destroy it. They go straight into discrediting the story, sacrificing the emotion in the process. Let’s look at an example, or this will never make sense. Right now I am deep inside this story: all my friends will leave me because I am a big failure. My emotions are… oh, Heaven knows. I don’t have to know what they are, I just have to feel them and remind myself that they are legitimate. I think I’m…

  • Stuff you can try

    How Do You Know When You’re Ready?

    Lately I’ve been thinking about the concept of “being ready”. How do you know when you’re ready to get up in the morning? Or when you’re done with your shower? In yoga, how do we know when we are ready to leave one pose to get into a new one? Sometimes it happens “automatically”. You have an alarm, and that decides things for you. Or you need to pee, so up you go. But what if there’s no alarm? And you don’t feel like getting up? What then? How do you know when you’re ready to get out of bed? This transition “state” fascinates me: what makes us ready to…

  • Stuff you can try,  Working with Stuff

    Using Lovers

    My ex used to say that women want men the way they want fashion accessories. “They want men like they want a purse“. My ex was an arsehole. So there’s that. I’ve been noticing lately how and when I hanker for a man And the truth is… Not flattering. When I’m bored, and I crave entertainment. When I feel sad, or lonely, and I want a hug. When I feel insecure, and I want reassurance. When I panic about “what am I doing with my life!!!” and I want reassurance. When I want access to comfort and luxury and safety, and I imagine that a man would be the ticket…

  • Stuff you can try,  Working with Stuff

    When other people have what you want

    The other day I had a mini tantrum because someone had something I wanted. Though, to be precise, it was more like “someone had something I perceived to be similar to something I want”. And something happened: I immediately got all this wisdom from… a wiser part of me. (Havi calls hers “Wiser Me”). It just came into my mind (which is far less impressive than it sounds) and I wrote it all down. This is what she said to me. It is seriously spot on. I hope it makes sense and that you find it helpful. It is perfectly normal for you to have your Wants triggered by other…