When other people have what you want

The other day I had a mini tantrum because someone had something I wanted.


What I wanted wasn’t this… but now I also want this.

Though, to be precise, it was more like “someone had something I perceived to be similar to something I want”. And something happened: I immediately got all this wisdom from… a wiser part of me. (Havi calls hers “Wiser Me”). It just came into my mind (which is far less impressive than it sounds) and I wrote it all down. This is what she said to me. It is seriously spot on. I hope it makes sense and that you find it helpful. Top Swirly It is perfectly normal for you to have your Wants triggered by other people’s Haves. They have Something, and even though it isn’t the Thing you want, it gives you the impression that they have what you want. But they don’t. They can’t have what you want because what you want is meant for You, and only for You. It is Your Thing. And nobody else can have Your Thing. Though yeah, it makes perfect sense that you would get angry at Them for having something that seems so similar to what You want.


Merging is what happens when you think you need to be like Them in order to get what you want, because “clearly being Them has brought Them what they want, and what They want is what you want”. Right? It feels true. But it isn’t. Though it’s ok if you don’t believe it. You think that if you could be more like Them, then you would get what you want. And then you think that the reason why you don’t have what you want is because you are not like Them. You wish you had what you want already, which makes perfect sense. And then you look at people who seem to have something that reminds you of the thing you want, and you jump and go “that! I want that! I must be more like Them”. But this is a distortion. And of course this will be your pattern, because it comes from the life pattern of “why can’t you be more like other people, you are not OK the way you are”. Which is a distortion. Here’s the thing: in order for you to get Your Thing, you need to be You. Capital Y. It’s not about being more like other people, so you can have what They have. Because what you ultimately want is to what You want. You want what is meant for You. Your Thing. So the answer to “how do I get My Thing, this Thing I want so much” is “be Yourself”. Be more yourself. Not because you will automagically get Your Thing, but because this is what you need to do in life. Borrom Swirly

Take away truths:

  • It’s not that people have what you want. Rather, when you see someone who has something similar to what you want, you are REMINDED of what you want and the fact that you don’t have it and the pain that goes with it.
  • This feeling of envy or jealousy is a call to acknowledge your own pain of not having this thing. So… go and acknowledge your pain. Give it some love and attention.
  • Nobody can have what you want, because what you want is Yours only. Your Thing. Meant exclusively for you.
  • The goal, as always, is to be more yourself.

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