Argh. I missed the Log last monday, and so I am Logging for 2 weeks. Again.
Because I am not yet outside of “Despondent State”/”Life Crisis”/”Cannot be bothered anymore with anything, so I’ll just give up and nap”.
- Listening to lots and lots of Ella Fitzgerald, especially her rendition of “The Lady is a Tramp”, which includes the word “hobohemian”. Hobohemian! That’s just the word to describe me!!!
- More neurosis from work. Like, whoah. And I did *so well*. I am so proud of myself!
- It seems I have unexpectedly gone from “I cannot have kids, yuck” to “OK, if I had a son, I wouldn’t actually die”. Interesting.
- I bought shoes! And a pair of jeans!!! Finally, after all that searching! Now to deal with the blisters from wearing new shoes. How come, how come, how come!
- Working for 5 days straight. How. I cannot even.
- Still very much in “Despondent Mode”. Not working on Widdershins, not writing, not doing anything but napping, interneting and crying. A breath for what is.
- Hanging out with Tiny Friend. Feeling less alone, less weird, less… broken. I have the best friends.
- Watching the Finale of “Avatar”. I cannot remember the last time when a tv series moved me this much. I adored every minute of it, and I am in love with the characters.
- Friends got married, and I went to the signing. And I hang out with 4 couples in one day. Oh joy! Working with *all* the stuff. I did remarkably well, considering the circumstances, so I am going to award myself a zillion sparklepoints.
Moments of Insight
I realised that there’s a difference between going after something because you really, truly want it, from the bottom of your heart, and going after something because it’s what’s “expected” of you, or because you cannot live with the consequences of not having it. Said consequences being mostly an ego “blow”.
And perhaps in order to tell the difference, we must be able to live with the consequences of not having what we want. Only then do we discover what we truly want: because it’s no longer an ego-fueled want. If that makes sense.
Things of Considerable Worth (Un-missables!)
- “The Secret to Changing the World”. I admit that this post struck a chord, as I am guilty as charged of trying to change the world by going after people with a (metaphorical) hammer.
- A podcast on “Taoist Sexual Secrets”. I bought the programme, actually. It’s proven… interesting, so far. Though it’s mostly breathing exercises. Will report when I know more.
My goodness, how long did this Log take? 5 hours? Cheesus, but is it hard to write lately.
*makes tiny wish for things to get easier*