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  • Stories of my life

    A Writer’s Rant: On not wanting to take the call

    January 14, 2015 /

    I'm a writer. This is my call. I don't know how to be a writer. I don't know why I've been given this call. I can only hope the journey transforms me into something beautiful.

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themarytracy
Tiny Practice: keep going. Some times when you ca Tiny Practice: keep going. Some times when you can’t go on any more, and that’s legitimate. There are times for pausing and respecting that pause. And there are times when you think you can’t go on anymore, but you also wish you could. You want to move, but also, you can’t. How do you move past this state of resistance and fighting with yourself? Acknowledgement. You acknowledge the part of you who wants to go on, and the part that doesn’t. You make space for both of them to have a say. You listen to them. And then, you reach some kind of resolution that honours both. Maybe you can’t write a whole essay, but you can create a new file. Maybe you can’t plan a whole to do list, but you can write down one thing. Maybe you can’t clean the whole house, but you can wipe one shelf. Maybe you can’t do everything, but you can do something. OK, so it might not be as big as you wish, but it still counts, because it’s symbolic. Because you listened to your whole self, both “sides” of you, and you took action accordingly. And that’s huge. That’s where the real work is. Because writing an essay or cleaning the house is something you have to do “today”. But learning how to relate to yourself? That’s something that will serve you your whole life. #TinyPractice #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth Photo: garden rose. See this rose? Its leaves have stains. Its buds have aphids. And it still blooms. It keeps going. It does what it can. So can you. ❤️
Tiny Practice: choosing who you want to be Here’s what you do: You list the qualities you wish you could have Try to picture yourself with these qualities And then find a way to interact with this version of yourself, maybe ask for guidance, or try imagine what it would be like to be them Example! I want to be: confident, calm, grounded, mature, pro-active, decisive. What would this version of me look like? What would it feel like to be her? What would she do? Once I could “tune in” to this version of me, I could take action from her perspective, and I knew what I had to do. This practice takes time, but you can always start small by invoking a single quality you want to embody, and try to feel it, or imagine what it would feel like. #TinyPractice Photo: Brian, sporting his new collar
Tiny Practice: Gratitude (small things) In honour Tiny Practice: Gratitude (small things) In honour of my Birthday, which lasts all week (in my head!), I want to invite you to practice gratitude, but in a way that isn’t too scary. I am a big fan of practicing in small, doable ways. Everything counts! So here are some ways to practice gratitude: * Invoking it. Say the word, out loud or in your mind. And just focus on the feeling of being grateful. * Place a hand on your heart and feeling gratitude for your breath. * Bring your attention to your feet and feel gratitude to the Earth. “Thanks for supporting me, Earth!" * List things you’re grateful for. You can get creative and start small. “Thank you, coffee, for existing”. “Thank you, Sun, for shining”. “Thank you, plants, for growing after I planted you”. * Move your body, or dance (badly!), and feel grateful for the ability to move. * Think of your favourite author, and give a silent thanks that they have written the words you love so much. “Thank you, Charles Eisenstein!" Remember: start small. Gratitude can be a complex, challenging feeling, because it can trigger feelings of insecurity and unworthiness. I have certainly cried from gratitude more than once. So start small. Always remember that even small things have symbolic power, because our subconscious registers everything. And if you can’t bring yourself to feel gratitude? You notice that. You say to yourself “Hey, you know what, I can’t feel gratitude right now, and that’s ok”. Because noticing how you feel and letting yourself feel it, is the absolute first step to everything. #TinyPractice #mentalhealth Photo: Betty Gloom. When you’ve brought one too many mice into the house and your humans have had it, you get given a collar with a bell. She’s not impressed. But it’s a nice collar, it has rhinestones!
Tiny Practice: Return to Safety Of the most essen Tiny Practice: Return to Safety Of the most essential skills you can learn is how to return to a feeling of safety. Here are a few examples of what might help: * Going back to your breath. Inhaling gently to the count of 4, exhaling gently to the count of 4. * Taking a nap * Lying down on the floor with the knees up, hand on your belly or chest. * Simply ask yourself “What would help me feel safe now?" * Add a “buffer”. Wait before replying to that message / making that decision,. * Yawn, stretch your arms, twist your body gently * Listen to calming music. Or nature sounds. Or soft drums. * Sit in meditation and bring awareness to your seat, and imagine you are connected by an invisible thread to the centre of the Earth Simply inquiring “what would help me feel safe” and regularly trying things is enough to start getting an idea of what safety feels like. Why is it important to know how to return to safety? Because when you know, at the back of your mind, that you have the power to feel safe, then you can go and attempt new possibly scary things out in the world. #TinyPractice #safetyfirst Photo: Brian, feeling safe. Box by @farmco.wales, purveyors of fine vegetables and cat beds 😄
Tiny Practice time is upon us! Today’s Tiny Pra Tiny Practice time is upon us! Today’s Tiny Practice is something simple and challenging: let people have their stuff. That’s it. You can make it more specific by choosing someone you disagree with, someone you imagine to have lots of stuff and just… tell yourself they are allowed to have it. This doesn’t excuse their actions, nor does it mean that they should not work with their stuff. We are just reminding ourselves that it’s normal for them to have stuff, and that it’s ok, because we are all human and we all have stuff. This will make it easier to relate to others, so that’s a bonus. But it’s also a sneaky way to make it OK for *us* to have stuff. The more space we give others, the more space we will give ourselves. #TinyPractice Photo: unjustifiable cake at the office* because f*ck it! *the office is the house
Today’s Tiny Practice: Finding Release Things c Today’s Tiny Practice: Finding Release Things can get stagnant without regular renewal and release practices. The good news is that it’s not as hard as it looks. And small and symbolic counts! Examples! * Closing internet tabs for release! * Emptying bin basket for release! * Deleting some old files. Release! * Tight muscles in body? Release! * Old ideas about worthiness and how I don’t deserve nice things? Release! * Old ideas about what can and cannot happen? Release! * Old connections that I’m done with? Release! It’s a practice. That means we do a little every day and we get better at it slowly. The main thing is that we stay with the process and learn about why it matters. (Shhhh, it’s so that we can have renewal, that is, experience new things) #TinyPractice Photo: Bath
Today’s Tiny Practice: Safety The question: Wh Today’s Tiny Practice: Safety The question: What would help you feel safe today? How can you give yourself the experience of safety? Important Points: For the longest time I didn’t think I had a right to feel safe. I thought “safety” was for other people, those with their lives together, the successful ones, those in relationships, the “winners” of the world. But for me, the world was fundamentally an unsafe place, and I was always anxious, scared and miserable. After years of yoga practice I began to experience the feeling of “safety” in my body. Using the body is probably the easiest, and fastest, way to go back to the experience of “safety”. So this is what I do: Lying on the yoga mat, legs extended or knees bent with the feet planted down. Right hand over belly, left hand over heart. Sitting on a cushion with my eyes closed and observing the breath. Sitting in nature, or just watching the hill outside the window. Gardening or being with the plants. Walking outside. I hope some of these inspire you to try something to help you feel safe today. It is especially important that we get better at accessing internal sources of safety, because the world outside feels really unsafe right now. Here in the UK they are talking about easing lockdown, mere days after they recorded the highest death toll in Europe. Stay safe, and if you can, practice accessing safety. #TinyPractice Photo: from a children’s book about fairies
Today's Tiny Practice: Good Wishing! I wrote thos Today's Tiny Practice: Good Wishing! I wrote those words in December last year. Good Wishing! How nice does that sound? Today's practice is precisely Good Wishing: wishing good things for ourselves. Here's mine: * Wishing myself the strength to deal with the Big Papers project * Wishing myself peace around the Big Paper project * Wishing for a solution to the Card Uncertainty * Wishing for peace around Global Uncertainties * Wishing for Enthusiasm and Delight around W * Wishing for Hope and Renewal around R * Wishing for More Sunshine! Important! It's not as easy as it sounds, because we can easily trigger all the insecurities, uncertainties and fears. All the voices that say "how stupid of you to wish for such a thing" and "ha ha, that will never happen" and "who do you think you are to want this and that?!". But that's why we practice. #TinyPractice Photo: Wales, seen from a castle
Today’s Daily Tiny Practice is… Self-Forgivene Today’s Daily Tiny Practice is… Self-Forgiveness. Find something that feels a bit heavy and try to forgive yourself for it. Very Important Point! (V.I.P.!) Choose something small, very, very small, something so small you would not believe it made any difference. Examples! I forgot to do laundry. I forgive myself! I didn't buy more coffee. Forgiveness! I skipped my yoga practice. I’m sure I had a very good reason. Forgiveness! I left a cup unwashed. Forgiveness activated! I am struggling with doing (Big Papers). Forgiveness! Small and symbolic is important. As is the practice of identifying "blame, shame, guilt & shoulds” and then stopping them and adding self-forgiveness. #TinyPractice Photo: somewhere in Birmingham
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Podcast! “Self-Care or Something Like It”

http://turnwiddershins.co.uk/Things/Self-care-or-something-like-it.mp3

Podcast! Self-care, Why it’s Difficult

http://www.turnwiddershins.co.uk/Things/Caring%20for%20Yourself%20-%20Why%20it's%20difficult.mp3
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