Gloomy log with not much to report due to life being generally underwhelming.
But it’s logging time. And life doesn’t just stop being meaningful just because it lacks things worthy of mention. So. Log.
- Sleep has decided to leave me. It was particularly bad last Thursday. I came back late from an evening shift and prayed to God to give me some restful sleep, as I had to work the next day from 9am to 1 am. No such luck. Sleep was pretty much absent and God didn’t step up to help. Because as we know, sometimes God is an arsehole.
- Worked at another wedding where there was an abundance of handsome men, Norwegian-gods like. All married. Some with children. I despaired, as is my wont, when I’m at a wedding, surrounded by people my age who are either married or getting married. Only consolation is that I didn’t lose my marbles as much I used to back in Summer. Progress!
- The events in Paris. And everything that followed. That disconnect I experience when everyone feels something and I feel something else. (Or, in this case, feel nothing at all). And then the thoughts and the stories that show up, everyone believing the mainstream media, and me suspecting the truth to be very different to the “Official Story”. Experienced lots of “Outsider Complex” this week.
- I need to find a new living arrangement. And I don’t know what to do. I am tempted to just say “Any place on the globe where I can have a job and a place to live”, because I really want to leave this city, but don’t have the resources to live anywhere else. Truly wishing things were different, but in a much more calm way than, say, last January. Progress! Let’s practice trusting that “All Timing is Right Timing” and also remembering that “Everything Changes”.
- The realisation is landing that I need to… “Expand the Circle”. It’s now the name of the new “Project”/”Adventure”/”Oddysee”. (I’m still trying to figure out how these work, by the way). The present state of the circle is disintegrating, or at least that’s my sense. Again, “Everything Changes”. Trying to accept this, and trust it, even though I don’t like it one bit.
- I finally watched “The Importance of Being Earnest”! I don’t think I could watch it enough times, but I am doing my best. Cannot get enough of good Oscar Wilde!
- Writing continues to be unpublished. I would like to be done with this, but apparently we’re not done yet, so here it is. A breath for what is.
Moments of Insight
This week’s Moment of Insight wasn’t as impressive as last week’s, but it has proved considerably more useful.
I essentially realised what the point is to all the “Working with your stuff”. It’s a question that I’ve been puzzling for ages: what is the point, if we don’t end up getting what we want? The yoga world makes it seem as if, once you work with your internal blocks, the thing you want just falls magically on your lap.
It’s more complicated than that. And also, that’s not the point of “Working with your Stuff”. Because the point is: digestion. Yes. Meg Worden said it best: the reason for processing our stuff on the emotional level, and the mental level, is so we can digest it. So that we can have more room for life.
Working with our Stuff is how we digest life, so we can take in more life.
I’m really grateful for this realisation, because it means I can carry on doing what I’m doing, which helps me be healthier and happier, even though it is failing spectacularly at bringing me “Things” I want. It doesn’t matter, because that’s not the point! The point is digesting life, so we can move on and take in more life. THAT is the point.
Things of Considerable Worth (Un-missables!)
- A reminder from Havi that you don’t have to take on the pain of the world.Required reading if you are a sensitive person living in these challenging times.
We’re on the other side of a log logged! Go me.
Here’s to more learning, more growing, and more healing.