I’m starting this log with a prayer: may this log not take forever, because it’s already a Late Log and I don’t have that much energy to begin with.
And so we begin.
- Toothache got unbearable this week. Had to call emergency dental line. They didn’t want to see me. So I had to call someone else, who gave me an emergency appointment. I then went through a horrific and traumatic procedure that didn’t actually solve the problem. Because this is “National Health Service” dentistry, which means you get no Health and no Service. I cannot find the words to describe this situation, but suffice to say I’ve been processing trauma since yesterday, and will probably have to process for a long while yet. I’ll repeat: I don’t have the words to describe this. But I do know that I’m experiencing trauma.
- Grief. So much grief. My 3 teeth are dead since the accident. Why. Why. So much grief, and I don’t know how to work with it.
- It’s gone. All my dreams and hopes about Mr Soulmate, all gone. I cannot begin to comprehend this grief, never mind process it.
- My pitch got rejected. Or maybe just didn’t get accepted. A breath for this.
- I’ve decided to start publishing things on Medium. More of my musings, things not quite “Widdershins Post” like. Yay for this, it feels like progress. You can find me here.
- I’ve made progress on Oddysee “The Final Countdown”, aka: Operation Visiting Argentina. I bought present for Mum and one badass backpack. Yay for me.
- Progress on the Oddysee “Expanding the Circle”. I’m staying present to the changes, and I’m processing the grief, plus I’m taking active steps in expanding the circle.
- There’s love in my life, even amidst all the challenges and all the grief. I thought I should mention it.
- Published the post on failure. And people actually read it, which surprises me. A yay for me, for pushing the boundaries on what constitutes “stuff I am brave enough to publish and share with the world”.
Moments of Insight
This week’s “not quite a moment of insight” was my prayer, when dealing with all the dental grief. “May this suffering be of use”.
Unable to stop any of the pain, and seeing how prayer brought no inner peace nor sense of relief, I was left with nothing else to do but pray and wish that somehow, in some way I cannot yet understand, my suffering will be of use.
Things of Considerable Worth (Un-missables!)
- “A Danish mariner imbues a simple life with meaning through eclectic spiritual practices”. Beautiful. And it shows that awakening the spirit happens everywhere, to all kinds of people, not just the yoga hippies we are familiar with.
- “No One Gets to be a Messiah: On Quiet Acts of Kindness, Curiosity + The Human Reality (Sometimes Life Does Actually Suck)”. This. And also this. And more of this. Meg Worden nails it. I am slowly but steadily building the proverbial guts so I can write like her, and write the truth with such moxy. Because yes, sometimes life does actually suck.
Logging all this week’s grief. And an attempt at grace.
May prayers be answered. I could use some light.