Well… New Year’s Eve is definitely upon us. Just a few more hours…

I have so much stuff around New Year’s Eve. I really struggle.
So I did what I do best: I wrote and processed it. And it helped.

These are the “pearls” of what came out.

I wanted to find my own “End of 2013” ritual. And my own “Hello 2014” ritual.
Remembering the good (because it was there) and respecting the horrible (because it was there too)

Let’s see…

Permission: the key to doing this and looking back on 2013

• “I don’t have to be all positive. I can if I want to, but I don’t have to.”

I don’t have to “love” that this year ends and a new one begins. I don’t have to celebrate anything. Damn it.

• I could just make a quiet list of “things that didn’t suck completely”. Like Havi’s post on “77 things that don’t completely suck”. (here, here and here)

• Or I could treat it as and adventure: let’s say an “odyssey” (“oddysee”) or a “legend”, where you learn something, but you can’t really say that the end was “good” or “bad”, it just was, with its ups and downs.

I am, in essence, making space for the “good” and the “bad” to co-exist.
It’s perfectly OK to say that certain things I wanted very much did not happen, but… well, something else happened instead.

• I wanted “Very Important Thing” and I didn’t get it, not even remotely.
  That said, and my pain over this acknowledged, I got to experience teeny aspects of it. And I am in less… “paralysing anxiety” over the fact that I don’t have it. So that’s progress.

• IMPORTANT: Forgive yourself for everything you didn’t get right this year. Everything you wanted to do but didn’t. Everything you promised yourself you would absolutely, swear-to-goodness, get right this time round.

The very essence of wishing

• You ask for what you want, and if you don’t get it…

• Then you acknowledge the pain, accept that it may not be time for you to get it and instead ask for… “peace”. For being at peace with not getting it.

• And, if you dare, ask for the ability to get to the point where you are in a position to receive it.

The Theme for 2013…

May have been

“Go where you’re wanted and do what heals you”

(and contrarywise, “Don’t go where you’re not wanted, and don’t do what makes you mad”)

Though another possible theme could be…

“Wonder is possible, it’s actually possible! Yes, amidst all this!”

I don’t know. Writing themes is too much fun to choose just one.

Wishes

I am wishing myself…

• peace and calm in general, and especially around the “business” aspect.
• awesomeness. This year showed me that awesomeness is actually possible, even if I don’t believe it is.
• Yoga. Always yoga. And mindfulness, presence, meditation and space.
• Awesometastic writing. Writing and more writing.
• A few more awesome things I’m too afraid to say out loud
• And a whole lot of other awesome things I don’t even know I want or need.

Final thoughts

I don’t want to go all “positive” and “next year we’ll be millionaires”.

But I do want to acknowledge that I’m wishing good things for myself.

That I will do everything I can to bring good things to my life. Because I’m always doing everything I can. Always.

Forgiveness. Good wishes.

And above all… Adventures. Lots and lots of adventures.

Thank you for being there and doing this with me.

May we have all the adventures we wish for.