I wasn’t going to publish this post, but Imo (my imaginary monster friend) said I should. So here it is. My take on the “#YesAllWomen” phenomenon.
As some of you know, I was a “Feminist Writer” for many, many years.
Eventually, I gave up Feminism due to reasons.
Too much neurosis, too much pain.
And I decided to plunge into the world of yoga, mindfulness and general self-help, because that is what heals my neurosis and my pain. And, I hope, is what will help other people heal their neurosis and their pain.
Feminism meets Self-Help
Last week, or the week before, something in the Feminist World grew so big that it made its way into the World of Self-Help.
I am talking about the “YesAllWomen” tag.
I don’t know what the tag is all about, and I don’t particularly want to find out. I have had too many unpleasant experiences with Feminism to last me a lifetime.
But it got me thinking, and now I have stuff to say.
And it’s got to do with the World of Feminism and the World of Self-Help.
Both worlds are dominated by women.
In the World of Feminism, women get enraged about the unfairness of it all, the wrongness of it all, and rant and rave about how Things Need to Change, Dammit!
In the World of Self-Help, the women put a positive spin on everything. They sugar coat, rainbow coat and silver line every tragedy, every nick and graze, every instance of pain or hurt.
Can you see where I’m going with this?
I have a Serious Pet Peeve with the World of Self-Help for endlessly silver-lining tragedy, hurt and pain. It’s a very legitimate Pet Peeve.
I am very sensitive. I have experienced pain, like most people.
And you know what? The people who shut me down for expressing pain, for “complaining”, for “whining”, for “not seeing the positive, the bright side, the good”? THEY ARE ALWAYS WOMEN.
It is always women who are cheering everyone up. “See the positive” “It’s not so bad” “Give your energy to positive things”.
It’s all “positive thinking”… Until the “YesAllWomen” tag shows up
Houston, we have a problem.
We cannot shut down pain in our every day lives then bitch and moan when the pain reaches astronomical heights.
These two phenomena are related.
This is what women do. We shut down pain, we positive-spin, we silver line… Until so many women have experienced violence and can’t take it anymore and so they scream and get mad…
And so we have Feminism, the grand depository for all expressions of female outrage and pain.
I cannot explain how sickening it is to watch women who are masters at “positive spinning”, who actually come out and say “I don’t do negative stuff”, suddenly draw attention to “YesAllWomen” and the horrific instances of pain so many women endure.
You cannot have it both ways
If you shut down pain over and over again, it will grow. And then explode.
Don’t you see?
It is precisely because women are such masters at “positive spinning” things that they endure and endure and endure.
And then we have the “YesAllWomen” phenomenon.
Look at men.
Men get angry. They swear. They call shit when something is shit. They don’t mince words.
Women, on the other hand, must be always chirpy. And happy. And smiling. And looking on the fucking bright side.
I have been bullied by women for not being “happy” and “chirpy” and “positive” enough.
If that’s the way we want it to be, then so be it.
But with silencing of the pain comes the tragedy of “millions of experiences of pain go unacknowledged”.
So…. Mary… What is the solution?
The solution, as always, my fellow humans, is ditching the bullshit.
Shutting down pain with calls to “positivity” is utter, utter bullshit.
Mindfulness teaches us to embrace all of it. The pain, the happy, the positive, the negative. All of it.
It teaches us how to make ourselves BIGGER so we can hold it all. So we don’t have to go “Mary, don’t come to me with your pain because I cannot stand it”.
Women, get in touch with your anger
Wait, let me rephrase that: get in touch with your DAMN ANGER.
Once you own your anger, you learn to apply boundaries.
Women need to apply boundaries all the fricking time. Instead of learning how to better accept that shit by using “positivity”.
When you own your anger, you can act on it. If you ignore it, it will grow. And grow.
And then one day it explodes with an #YesAllWomen hashtag.
Enough of that.
I repeat: own your anger.
It’s a legitimate thing. And it’s there to help you.
Oh, and sign up below and get my free e-book. It’s the best way to start owning your emotions and working with your neurosis.