It’s a New Year.
… I am trying to be impressed by it, by the whole “new slate”, “opportunities” kinda vibe…
I’m not “feeling it”. Not yet.
- Days and days of internal processing. Which is a euphemism for “life is not working, and the more I do the more I screw up, so I have nothing to do, nowhere to go, so I’m going to stay in this room, in this bed, processing my internal world”.
- Exploring with friends. Boots in danger. Boots rescued.
- Time around others. Witnessing a side of me that is non confrontational and mostly quiet. Also: healing of past stories of not-really-friendship.
- I found my slippers! And a device to make my life easier (finally)! Plus I found the perfect woolen dress and then I wore it on New Year’s Eve.
- Spent New Year’s Eve on my own. I cooked. I hang out online with people. I wrote and processed. I ate chocolate biscuits. I listened to Auld Lang Syne and watched the fireworks from the bedroom window.
- I opened up about my dreams. For the first time ever I am sharing my dreams with people, even if it is in tiny, tiny ways. Yay for progress.
- More teeth drama. So much teeth drama. A breath for peace.
- Moment of Absolute Crisis related to Teeth Drama. A breath for not being at the point where there are no Absolute Crisis anymore.
Moments of Insight
I’ve realised what I want.
I want “co-creation, co-partnering with the Universe”.
I want to listen to guidance and instinct, I want to learn and grow, and for that I want to be partnered with the Universe.
So many of the things I want aren’t actually what I want the most: what I really want is making things happen with the Universe. I want things to feel “divine” and “meant to happen”.
I’ve also realised that what I want most is to be able to create and create without a thought in the world. Without caring whether it’s good or whether it makes money or whether people like it. I just want to create and create.
Things of Considerable Worth (Un-missables!)
Have I ever told you about the awesome “Unmistakeable Creative Podcast”? Here are my favourite episodes.
Meg is absolutely awesome, and this is a quote of hers that stayed with me:
“There is great depth of understanding that comes from the process of being hollowed out with grief”
Woo, the first Log of the year!
I am doing so much growing right now. So much transformation.
Here’s to the clarity that comes from it.