The other day I was in a serious suck
Tears; “I hate the world”; “I hate myself”; “I hate my life”; “nothing good has ever happened and nothing good will ever happen”.
THAT kind of “suck”.
I worked with it. And helped myself “out”.
Here’s what I did.
- Music. Obvious? Yes? Cheesy? Absolutely. But calming music always shifts something for me. I go for classical music. (yes…). But any kind of “calming zen-type, mediation-like” music will do.
- Ask: “does this thought serve me right now“? It’s not that the thought is wrong; it’s just that it’s not helping *right now*. “Can I leave this thought for later?“Know which thoughts don’t help. ie: “life is better if you’re pretty”, “the world hates the different”, “why is the economic system so effed”, etc. They may be true, and they may be useful when making a critique of the world, but they are NOT helpful when in a crisis.
- Nature. Get yourself to nature. Trees. Sky. Sea. It’s there. And it’s grounding, just on its own.
- Bring your attention to your tummy area. That’s it. As kind an “attention” as you can manage.
- Focus on breathing. Pretend you can “exhale” the sucky and “inhale” the non-sucky. Exhale just a bit more. It will help you inhale better.
- If you’re anything like me, stay away from positive mantras.
“Things get better“, except that they don’t!
“It’s ok“, except that it isn’t.
If anyone comes to me with this at a moment of crisis, I will hurt them.
Note: it’s easy to get caught up in “kicking this thought out of your head”. You don’t have to. You can choose which thoughts serve you at which time.
Our screwed up culture associates crying with failing.
B*llocks. It’s the most effective way to release pain I know. And you want to release the pain!
This is what I did: I said to myself “the universe loves you, and that’s why it made you the way you are and put you in this particular place“.
Of course I cried at that! What a horrible thing to say to someone who’s going through a horrible, crushing experience! But it helped.
Weird, yes. But true.
- Say “I’m sorry”. Say it again. And again. Nothing interrupts the “you are worthless scum of the earth and nothing good will ever happen to you ever” quicker than “I’m sorry”.
- Do you have a way to connect with the sacred? Good. Use it.
For me, I close my eyes and “go behind my eyes”. (If this makes no sense to you, ignore it)
Just keep in mind that it’s always helpful to have a way to connect with the “sacred”, whatever that may be because it’s the only source of “unconditional love” you can depend on.
What about listening to the “suck”
I always say we have to “listen to the suck”, and I did. (as much as I could)
I *knew* why I was in a suck; I knew what it was about. And… I couldn’t do anything at the moment.
There are aspects of my life that are seriously sucky, and I can’t change them right now. So I work with it.
And if you need more help, I highly recommend getting my “Working with your Stuff” e-book. (see below)
Announcement! I guest posted in Danielle Orner’s site! Right next to a (s)hero of mine Jennifer Pastiloff! It’s on the whole “being OK with not being beautiful” thing.
*scared scariness of scaryland!!!*