So much pain comes up when we’re trying to “change” ourselves to conform to the “world” because “the world” is supposed to “know better”. Right?
It’s like this:
The world says “look, everyone copes with this situation just fine, you should be able to do so as well”.
Or “nobody else seems to have a problem writing their Cvs and applying for jobs!”.
The underlying statement being: “nobody else has a problem with this, so the problem must be YOU”.
HOLD IT right THERE!
Being an HSP means, amongst other things, that you have especial needs that are different to “most people”.
And if you aren’t an HSP? Well, you are still *you*. And that makes you different to “most people”.
And you need to learn to accept that.
You are not going to react to things in the way “most people” do.
(because “most people” is a distortion of reality, it’s a mirage, the consequence of too many people having to function with limited freedom and agency)
We are raised to make “ourselves” into the problem
We feel uncomfortable in a conversation, or we aren’t having fun at a party, or we struggle with choosing clothes, or we can’t drive a car, or your friends are happy to hike around hills while you can’t take another step, and off we go: the problem is me.
“Everyone else is fine with this, clearly *I* am the problem”.
This is why we need internal guidance
Being fully present to what’s going on for *you*, how every situation affects your bodt and your emotions.
You learn what you don’t like, what sets off your “stuff”, what’s uncomfortable, what triggers your anger, anxiety, sadness, fear.
And then… you make changes. You adapt things. You work around what is not working *for you*.
The essential step is to respect your feelings
It’s a tough habit to change, this defaulting into “I am the problem”.
And the way we change it is by respecting our feelings. Respecting that what’s coming up for you is OK.
First you accept that your feelings are legitimate, no matter how “weird”.
And then you accept that your needs are also legitimate, no matter how “weird”.
If you don’t enjoy going to the pub, and everyone else you know does, that’s legitimate. You don’t have to go. (I don’t)
If you don’t enjoy going to the movies, and everyone else you know does, that’s legitimate. You don’t have to go.
You are not the problem. You are never the problem
In fact, according to enlightened spiritual people, there isn’t even “a” problem. (but let’s not go there today)
You can always adapt things so that they don’t make you totally miserable.
Yes, even those things that everyone tells you are “musts” because “that’s how it is for everyone”.
You can *always* adapt things.
Then you realise “holy cow! I don’t have to justify why this stuff bothers me! I can just take action and… work around it”.
And life becomes that tiny bit easier.