My life is phunked.
You will need this information for this post. So even if you don’t agree that my life is phunked, suspend your judgement and roll with it for now. There’s an important lesson here
My life is phunked.
It is pretty darn phunked.
It may not look like that, but trust me, it is.
And because my life is phunked, I run around desperately trying to unphunk it.
In that running around, I ask for advice, from people whose lives aren’t phunked.
In not so many words, I say: “please show me how to unphunk my life”.
And they tell me.
They give me advice.
And I, Miss No Boundaries, take it as Gospel Truth.
Starting from the assumption that my life is phunked, essentially means accept that I know nothing about anything. I know nothing about how to make money or find a partner.
And I elevate people with money and partners to the position of “Gospel Truth Dispensers”.
There’s only one problem with this scenario…
And this has been such a revelation, I need to add an imaginary choir of angels here.
This is why people’s advice doesn’t work for me. Ready?
*insert choir of angels*
Because these people are not “me”.
I know. Shocking news, right? But for someone with no boundaries, who assumes that her life is phunked and that people with not-phunked lives must be experts at everything, this is one big understanding.
For the record, I’ve tried following their advice
It’s not like I don’t try to follow their advice.
The Heaven’s above know I give it everything I’ve got.
People say “You just gotta keep applying for jobs”.
I’ve applied to 250 jobs since February. I’ve only had one interview. For work at a cafe.
And I didn’t get the job.
I ask people with partners how they managed to get partners.
People give me some version of the “woo woo” approach to making dreams come true.
So I follow it.
I pray, I visualise, I ask the Universe, I surrender, I cry, I work with my stuff, I do yoga.
Cheesus H Christ, if anyone has worked hard at this, that person is me. And no cheesy, happy “Mood Boards” for me. Oh, no. I go way deep, work seriously hard. With the most powerful meditation techniques devised by mankind, the ultimate form of surrender and crying. I basically die and die again, asking the Universe to send me Mr Soulmate.
And because my life is so phunked, I go to people who have zero problem finding jobs and partners and I ask for their advice.
They tell me what works for them. And I follow it. To the letter.
But it fails to work for me.
Because they are not me.
And I’ve just… had it.
I’ve had it
I’ve had it with unconsciously pedestalling people’s advice, just because they have something I don’t. Just because their lives don’t look as phunked as mine.
Dude, it’s not even like their advice is any good.
I get advice such as “you gotta put yourself out there, you know, put on some lipstick”.
For the record, that was advice on “how to get a job”, not “how to get a man”.
And I took it “in”. I assumed this person must know something I don’t, their words must be Gospel Truth. Because they have money and I don’t. Because they have a partner and I don’t.
There I was again, pedestalling their advice.
Even though it’s just about the most asinine piece of advice ever.
Wait, I do have boundaries
You know what’s hilarious?
If someone had come to me with advice on how I should “yoga”, I would have sent them packing. Respectfully, of course.
For the record, people do come to me with advice on how I should “yoga”, but I’ve grown some excellent boundaries around my yoga practice. I have learned from the best (that would be Havi Brooks) that People Vary, and there isn’t one “right way” to yoga that applies to all people at all times.
So, someone comes to me and tells me that what I did this morning, my tiny Sun Salutations while listening to the musical “Into The Woods”, isn’t “yoga”? I shrug and send their advice to that corner of the Universe labelled “Other People’s Stuff”.
I have the final word on what my yoga looks like, because I am the only person this yoga is meant to serve.
Yet on more “Second Chakra” matters, namely, how the heck does one make money and how the phunk does one find a partner? Zero boundaries.
Other people’s “advice” must be right, because they have money and partners and I don’t, which somehow makes them an authority on what works for everyone at all times.
Like I said. I’ve had it.
Here’s some Gospel Truth
Because yes, my life may be phunked, but I still know a thing or two:
People don’t know what “works”. They only know what works “For Them”.
And we are all different.
It takes guts to say “Actually, that doesn’t work for me”.
Especially when your life is phunked.
It takes all the guts in the world because I still have no idea what works for me.
People’s advice on how to find a job or find a partner didn’t work.
So what now?
Desperate = no boundaries
When your life is phunked, it’s like… you have no boundaries.
The desperate energy to unphunk your life means you take in anyone and everyone’s advice.
Even when it’s dumb advice.
Even when it clearly doesn’t work for you.
You take it because you are desperate.
Taking people’s advice as “Gospel Truth” has a price
It’s no longer “something that worked for a human being”. It’s “The Word According to God”.
When I do what people suggest, apply for jobs, try the woo woo approach to making dreams come true, or whatever, and the things I want fail to “manifest”, I don’t blame it on the advice being crap. I don’t frame the advice as “something that worked for someone else, but doesn’t work for me”.
No. I blame it on myself. Or worse.
I use this as evidence that God hates me. That God wants my life to remain phunked.
Clearly God loves those other people with money and partners, and clearly God hates “me”.
Oh yes, pedestalling people comes at a high price.
Thou shall not mistake people’s words for the Word of God.
This is my new approach
I don’t have to know why what works for other people doesn’t work for me. I don’t have to know what works for me. I don’t even have to have “unphunked” my life already.
All I have to do is say “This advice doesn’t work for me”.
I don’t have to get in touch with people I haven’t spoken to in months to tell them that their advice failed me appallingly and had me questioning my relationship with God. That would be childish.
All I have to do is remind myself that, for whatever reason, what worked for someone doesn’t work for me.
And it’s nobody’s fault.
I’m just describing things as they are, without judging myself or the other person. I asked for advice, they gave it, I followed it, and it didn’t work for me.
There it is, in one line. Without strong emotions, without judgement, without a wider story of “how the Universe clearly hates me”.
I don’t yet know what works for me. I am willing to find out. So first I am letting go of the advice that people gave me.
There. Here I am.
With no clue as to what to do.
One last thing
People give sh!t advice, yo. Like, real bad. If I ever give you such dumb-o pants advice, show me the door out of the internet…
Here’s some good advice. What I wish people would say to me.
“I don’t know why your life is phunked, Mary. I don’t know why things aren’t working out. But I can promise this: you are still a perfect human being, perfect in your imperfection, and you are still worthy of love.”
That’s my non-advice. It’s yours if you need it.
You all! You can now hire me for all your writing needs. I can write your about page and your blogs with my signature flair and charm.
You can have a post as amazing as this one on your website.
(OK, it won’t be this amazing, but it will be close)