Meditation will (almost) always leave you with the feeling… “this is not how it’s supposed to go”, “this doesn’t work”, “I am not doing this properly”.
It will leave you with the sense of “failure”. “I can’t do this”…
“And since I’m not doing this right, it’s not working”.
But it is.
That is precisely what it will (almost) always look like: failing.
It’s “failing” because it’s asking the mind to do something the mind can’t do. The mind can’t understand the concept of “doing something I will never be able to do properly”. Like… “what the Hell?”.
Meditation will (almost) always feel like “failure”.
And you know what? So will most “spiritual self-help practice”.
It is very rare that I leave a yoga class feeling “WOWSERS! Now THAT is how yoga is supposed to go!”. It happens, but it’s rare.
99% of the time, I am doing it and thinking “I’m getting nowhere”. I try to get “in the zone”, and I try again. And it just doesn’t happen. Sometimes I just give up and carry on doing yoga. Sometimes I stop.
Just like meditation, I can’t tell that it’s working while I’m doing it.
It’s only after months and months (and months) of practice that I can see the results. In my body, in my overall “mental and emotional health”.
Remember me working with being “aesthetically challenged”? I didn’t “work” at the time. It did nothing for me.
I’ve working with this… “issue”, so long, and it never feels like I’m moving forwards…
And today I saw myself in the mirror and didn’t find me completely horrible.
So my point is: keep working with your stuff.
If will (almost) never feel like it’s working while you’re doing it. It may happen once in a while, but most of the time, it will feel pointless and stupid and hopeless.
Keep doing it anyway. Because, much like with meditation, the goal isn’t to reach that spot of “not thinking”.
The goal is to “come back”. And that’s how we show true loyalty to ourselves…
And that’s where change happens.