Say you want something. Like, oh, I don’t know, to pick an example totally at random: A WONDERFUL MAN.

This shall be Mr Wonderful.
For now…

So you decide to work with this Want by using “Qualities”

This is a technique to help you get closer to the thing you want. It works like this: you break down this thing you want into its Spiritual Qualities and you find out ways to give those qualities to yourself.

So, WONDERFUL MAN will be made up of:
+ support + comfort + warmth + love + beauty + caring + grace + hope + joy + intimacy.
Etc. You get the point.

And now you try to find ways to get these qualities. And no, I’m not remotely implying that this is easy.
But this is what “Wise people with spiritual practices” suggest you do. So I’m doing it.

Anyway, so you go along your merry way and find ways to bring those qualities into your life. In my case, it happens mostly by accident. I find myself seriously attached to a Thing and then I realise “OH, right, these are the qualities I’m craving, of course”.

So. Now you have experienced those qualities, even if it’s a teeny tiny bit. And what happens is, you go back to the thing you wanted, WONDERFUL MAN… But now you know what those qualities “taste like”, and you know you want them…

Now what?
Well… now you panic. Because… what you “want” has expanded and redefined.

Enter clarity

You see, before you had this “idea” of a “WONDERFUL MAN”. It was all “theoretical” and stuff.
But now you have felt the qualities. Which means… you are clearer in what you want.

It’s funny because we all want clarity. Don’t we? Every coach out there is promising you “clarity”.
Clarity is wonderful, of course it is. But there’s a reason we don’t find it on our own.
And that reason is “Stuff”.
(the reason for everything is “Stuff”. Just so you know. For future reference.)

There’s a real “danger” to having clarity on what you want.
There’s a real “danger” to knowing, in your heart, what you really, really want.
There’s a real “danger” in knowing the details of what you want.

And that “danger” is…

You may not get what you want.

Oh, yes. Fun! Lovely stuff! (/irony)

This-sucks-pants!

It’s safe to not have “clarity”

See, when you go your merry way “wanting” things, it’s kinda safe. Any ole “WONDERFUL MAN” will do. Right?
Man, job, house, life… “Anything will do”.
That’s the advantage of not having clarity.

When you have clarity, suddenly you don’t just want “anything”. You want a very specific “Thing”.
Capital “T”.
For me that Thing is “Magic & Wonder”.

I don’t just want any ole relationship. I want “Magic & Wonder”. Oh yes!

Enter the monsters

Being clear on exactly what you want and knowing just how much you want it is scary. It’s scary beyond all scariness.

All your monsters (aka: “limiting beliefs” and mean things we say to ourselves) will show up telling you why you can’t have this “Thing”. Why you should settle for any ole “thing”.
“Who are you to want WONDERFUL.”
“How dare you, when you are such a complete screw up and a screw-lose.”
“Also, there is no “Magic & Wonder”. This is the real world, and the 21st Century, and men are just not like that. Sorry.”
Etc.

Here you thought you were getting a taste of what you want, in your golden search for “clarity” and now you have to deal with a whole new kettle of fish: the monsters that come from “you will not get this!!!”.

So what do you do *NOW*?!

You observe them. Now you know they are “monsters”. It’s what they say.
And when you can identify that they are monsters, what they say stops stinging so much.

One final note on clarity

Here’s the tried and tested way to bring in “clarity”.

Being present to what brings you joy will bring clarity on who you are and what you want.

But beware. If you ask for clarity, you may just get it.

PS: I would like to express my gratitude to the movie “Frozen” for both helping me taste the qualities of “Magic & Wonder” and gain clarity on how much I want them in the context of WONDERFUL MAN.