• Working with Stuff

    Don’t let the world trample all over you

    The first time you read about “boundaries”, it doesn’t make any sense to you. (So it this is your first time, you are probably at the “this doesn’t make any sense” stage) The next twenty times you read about boundaries, it doesn’t make much more sense, really. But after a while, a picture starts to emerge… And the picture looks like this: “Oh, right… I see… I have *some* control over how I interact with the world… how much I let in, how much I give of myself…” The way to “control” this interaction with the world in a way that serves you is… establishing boundaries. Here’s what boundaries aren’t:…

  • Working with Stuff

    Giving Legitimacy to our Feelings

    One of the reasons why we end up in this fabulous world of Feminism is because… we need strength in our beliefs. We don’t like something “in the mainstream”. We “feel” it’s wrong, or at least “wrong for us”. And so we learn to reject it on sound political and rational grounds. What we are doing is “borrowing strength” from each other to be able to say “I do not want this”. Seeking permission from each other to “not be ok with this mainstream thing”. It’d be wonderful if it worked… But it kinda… doesn’t. Here’s the thing: if there’s something “in the mainstream” which you “feel” to be wrong……

  • Working with Stuff

    How Not to Break

    Note: I’m trying to get used to writing more often. It’s super challenging, and I wish I had an answer already. Working on it! Please be gentle with whatever I write as I go through this process. I have fallen apart enough times to be able to tell you this: what breaks us is not being there for ourselves Sometimes people say to you “it will be ok”. And you want to scream in their faces because a) they don’t know if it will be ok; in fact, they know nothing about your pain. And b) they are kinda telling you that your pain is not all that painful; it’s…

  • My Thoughts on the World

    Processing the Moran Story

    Note: I briefly mention sexual trauma, and I focus on the feelings that the topic might bring. Check in with yourself before reading. Background: In this post, I’m trying to provide a space for us to work with the feelings that Caitlin Moran’s latest story might bring up for us. You can read more about it here. Super Caveat: This post is not about politics. It’s about “personal” stuff. I’m practicing using the Widdershins method and separating between the “personal” and the “political”. This post is about you and me, and how we feel around something Caitlin Moran said. But it’s not about Moran or what she said. It’s about…

  • Working with Stuff

    Honour your pain

    This is one of the most important pieces in the “transformational work” process. And it’s one of the very *first* step towards healing. Here it is: Honour your pain. Is the word “honour” too much for you? Then change it. “Take your pain seriously” “Make your pain important” Something caused you pain. Say to yourself: “this happened to me, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks about it, it hurt me and I’m going to say it hurt me”. The stuff that caused you pain? Shine a light to it We tend to build our ideas of what can cause us pain us around what social convention deems “this…