• Stories of my life

    Even Though

    You want something, but you think you shouldn’t want it. That’s what being in resistance looks like. And one way to get out of it is to practice “even though”, and acknowledge conflicting thoughts and feelings. Here is something I wrote, when I was in a… state of despair. As I often am. Even though I am old and ugly… Possibly uglier than I’ve ever been before… Even though I am positive that what I dream of is impossible Even though I am convinced that I have no right to want what I want, dream what I dream, because who am I to want and dream so big? Even though…

  • Working with Stuff

    Dark and Twisted Stuff

    This was me earlier today, putting my “stuff” on paper. I can’t breath. This happens regularly. It’s the whole “beautiful women” thing. Again. And since forever. If God had given me a machine gun, there would be no more beautiful women on this planet. Seriously. None. Zapped out of existence. Oh, you thought working with your stuff was a pretty business? Perhaps you bought in the… “aesthetic lies” told to you by myriad pictures of beautiful women doing yoga, amongst the flowers and beaches? Working with your stuff is not pretty. Not even slightly. You have to encounter the stuff that makes you look like a monster. You think I’m…

  • Working with Stuff

    Why getting mad at the media is not helping you

    Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away known as “Feminism”, I and tons of others used to get regularly riled up about how the media screwed up our minds. And everyone else’s minds. And the whole of the world. Forever. Etc. And yes, the media does screw up our minds. But focusing on the “screw up” is not helping us.   Back story A few weeks ago, Danielle Orner asked on Twitter: “What responsibility, if any, does the media have for promoting a healthy self image?” “Overwhelmed by the problem of negative, unhealthy, inaccurate messages. What can we do beyond spreading awareness?” My answer: “Spread healing. When…

  • Stories of my life

    On being “aesthetically challenged”

    My Story Me, to Imo: “I’m not ugly. I’m… ‘aesthetically challenged'” Note: this post is about my raw feelings regarding being ugly “aesthetically challenged”. Writing it was a way of “working with my stuff”. That is, write a line, shed tears, write another line, shed more tears. Yeah, like that. I don’t look the way I wish I looked. And this is me. I’ve wished, and wished, and wished I looked differently. I’ve wished until I broke my skin and my soul. And this is me. This body is where I live. It’s not where I wish I lived. And it is where I live. It all must have begun…