• Working with Stuff

    The Fear of Being Single

    Why yes, we are talking about being single. Yet again. It all begun when I run into this article by Sara Eckel. Apparently, the “fear of being single” makes us choose bad partners. Then I was reading Martha Beck’s “Steering by Starlight” and she got to this concept that “you attract people when you are happy and you repel people when you are miserable”. She says: “In a self-critical, fear-based mindset, the clients seem to physically repel people (..) But when my clients managed to hold on to thoughts of being worthy and loveable, others move towards them (…)”. From there on, people make all sorts of wild jumps and…

  • Working with Stuff

    I am single and I’m in pain

    This is one of those rare posts where I show you “live” how I work with my stuff. It’s full of seriously cool and useful concepts. At least 5 things that are Important to Know. First the back story I was in a Facebook conversation on the topic of “Single”. When suddenly I felt *anger*. Now, according to Karla McLaren, anger shows up when our boundaries have been crossed. Since I’m a HSP with very thin boundaries, and since I don’t get angry very often, I have learned to make the best out of my anger when it does show up. That is: I feel the anger, allow it to…

  • Working with Stuff

    This Post is Actually About Compassion

      Someone hasn’t had sex in 1 year. And then I laughed. I laughed because I haven’t seen “any” in 3 years The only acceptable response to this revelation is “Cheesus Christ!!! I can’t even!!!”. Yes. That is the only acceptable response. It is not, however, the response I actually get from friends and such. The response I do get is “Blah Mary, quit your whining, blah, no big deal”. So now we have to talk about compassion Compassion is the ability to say “Cheesus Christ!!!” in the face of pain. Is the ability to recognise that the pain is, indeed, painful. No ifs, no buts, no coconuts. Is the…

  • My Thoughts on the World,  Working with Stuff

    On being single and learning to “be OK on your own first”

    Argh. ARGH, I say! I feel like I want to blow up through this bullsh!t. Let’s get a few things straight. This whole “you have to be OK on your own first” is part of what we shall call… “The Single Story” that the world of woo seems particularly keen on. The Single Story goes like this. “First you are single. Then you acquire the magical superpower of self-love and you learn to feel happy being on your own. You learn to love your single life. And then poof! You find someone. Like magic.” The world of woo… Bless it. It’s made up of humans, and humans always find a…

  • Stories of my life

    Valentine’s Day Rhapsody

    “Who will want me? Who could possibly want *me*, with this ugly face, messy body, terrible present and traumatised past? I look in the mirror and the “truth” is clear. There, on my face: nobody will love me. That’s just the way it is. I’m going to be single forever. Damn. Who could ever love me? I must do something. What do I need to do? Show off my body? Wear make up? Do things I don’t want to do, pretend to be someone I’m not?” Because it sucks, OK? It sucks to be single. And to want love. And to be ugly and to know you’re ugly. And so…