• Working with Stuff

    Holding Beliefs for Others… and When Not To

    My realisation went like this: “I am not going to carry beliefs for them* any more. I am done. No more.” *Them being “men”. Men in general. I am not altogether clear on what this meant, so I’m going to try to find clarity by writing about it here. “Holding Beliefs for Others” Holding Beliefs for other people can be a wonderful practice, if done consciously. Like when I hold a belief for my friend. It works like this: When she’s having trouble believing good things for herself, I hold that belief for her. I say “I believe you are amazing, and you are capable of awesome things in this…

  • Stuff you can try,  Working with Stuff

    Using Lovers

    My ex used to say that women want men the way they want fashion accessories. “They want men like they want a purse“. My ex was an arsehole. So there’s that. I’ve been noticing lately how and when I hanker for a man And the truth is… Not flattering. When I’m bored, and I crave entertainment. When I feel sad, or lonely, and I want a hug. When I feel insecure, and I want reassurance. When I panic about “what am I doing with my life!!!” and I want reassurance. When I want access to comfort and luxury and safety, and I imagine that a man would be the ticket…

  • Stuff you can try

    What is “emotionally true” may not be “mentally true”

    I had this realisation the other day… Fancy that! I believe I can explain this better by sharing with you an excerpt from a conversation Imo (my imaginary friend) and I had some time ago… Imo, please take the floor. Imo: I believe the conversation went like this… You were telling me about how it’s annoying when you can’t stop yourself from smiling at the sight of an attractive man, and I asked why it was so annoying… Mary: Because then they can tell I like them and everything goes downhill after that. Imo: Why… Mary: Because I don’t have a chance in Hell with any of them, that’s why!…

  • Stories of my life

    Bad Luck

    There I was. Watching the Hunger Games, and marvelling at Peeta’s devotion for Katniss. (He is so cute!) I mean, he adores her. He shows nothing but devotion towards her. Pure, crystal clear love. Then this feeling showed up: “Man, I’ve had some real bad luck”. I believe strongly in giving ourselves permission to feel what we feel. It is the first step in the healing process. A step our culture blocks over and over again through non-permissions and “you shouldn’t think that, feel that, etc”. Bollocks to it, I say. Permission rules. It has become my religion. So. Permission to think “I’ve had some real bad luck”. And listen…

  • Working with Stuff

    Clarity is Scary

    Say you want something. Like, oh, I don’t know, to pick an example totally at random: A WONDERFUL MAN. So you decide to work with this Want by using “Qualities” This is a technique to help you get closer to the thing you want. It works like this: you break down this thing you want into its Spiritual Qualities and you find out ways to give those qualities to yourself. So, WONDERFUL MAN will be made up of: + support + comfort + warmth + love + beauty + caring + grace + hope + joy + intimacy. Etc. You get the point. And now you try to find ways…