• Stories of my life,  Working with Stuff

    The Challenge of Receiving Love

      Sometimes people are so kind to me that I just… can’t… take it. I break. I burst into tears. It’s too much. It’s also important, and necessary. Breaking and bursting into tears I like to think of it as “growing my heart”, preparing myself for receiving greater and greater love. I don’t have the best track record at “receiving” love. I’ve been in 3 abusive relationships after all. And I’m determined to not be in any more. So, growing my heart it is. Preparing myself for receiving greater and greater love. Actually, let’s talk about abusive relationships for a minute I do not believe that the reason some people…

  • Help in a crisis

    Falling Apart on Purpose

    After a couple of days of falling apart on and off, I decided it was time to do it properly. And fall apart on purpose. I tidied the room (read: floor), filled a cup with water and grabbed dirty shirt to collect my tears (I knew I was gonna cry). I turned off the lights, put the laptop to sleep, lit a tea light candle on the table… and sat down in front of it, on 2 cushions, while wrapped in a blanket. And so it began. Falling apart on purpose I brought all of the things to the surface, one by one. All the things that are irrevocably “wrong”.…

  • My Thoughts on the World

    Happy Valiant Day

    Happy Valiant Day! What is Valiant Day, you ask? Is the day when you celebrate yourself for having the courage to believe in love, despite its absence, and for putting yourself out there over and over again despite the hearbreak. I wanna talk about the vulnerable experience of putting ourselves out there. Also known as “being single and looking”. Being “Single and Looking” It’s a bit like walking around with your heart on your sleeve. At any moment you can go back to being a 5 year old on the first day of school. Head downcast, feet shuffling, sleeves twisting, wondering if anyone will want to be your Best Friend.…

  • Live under the New Rules,  My Thoughts on the World

    There must be more than “getting by”

    Allow me to say a few things. Actually, this is my blog, and my computer, so I can say whatever I want. Ha! I forgot. I want to believe there is more than “getting by”. I want to believe it is possible to live life to make our dreams come true. Listen, I am very, very poor. I know that. How poor? Well. I’ve been living my whole adult life in between half of the “poverty line” and a third. Yes, a third of the “poverty line”. Which is to say, I’ve been very, very poor. AND I want to believe there is more than “getting by” It’s easy to…