• Stories of my life,  Working with Stuff

    The Challenge of Receiving Love

      Sometimes people are so kind to me that I just… can’t… take it. I break. I burst into tears. It’s too much. It’s also important, and necessary. Breaking and bursting into tears I like to think of it as “growing my heart”, preparing myself for receiving greater and greater love. I don’t have the best track record at “receiving” love. I’ve been in 3 abusive relationships after all. And I’m determined to not be in any more. So, growing my heart it is. Preparing myself for receiving greater and greater love. Actually, let’s talk about abusive relationships for a minute I do not believe that the reason some people…

  • Help in a crisis

    Falling Apart on Purpose

    After a couple of days of falling apart on and off, I decided it was time to do it properly. And fall apart on purpose. I tidied the room (read: floor), filled a cup with water and grabbed dirty shirt to collect my tears (I knew I was gonna cry). I turned off the lights, put the laptop to sleep, lit a tea light candle on the table… and sat down in front of it, on 2 cushions, while wrapped in a blanket. And so it began. Falling apart on purpose I brought all of the things to the surface, one by one. All the things that are irrevocably “wrong”.…

  • Help in a crisis

    What to do when you’re panicking about all the “suck”

    The other day I was in a serious suck How serious? Tears; “I hate the world”; “I hate myself”; “I hate my life”; “nothing good has ever happened and nothing good will ever happen”. THAT kind of “suck”. I worked with it. And helped myself “out”. Here’s what I did. Music. Obvious? Yes? Cheesy? Absolutely. But calming music always shifts something for me. I go for classical music. (yes…). But any kind of “calming zen-type, mediation-like” music will do. Ask: “does this thought serve me right now“? It’s not that the thought is wrong; it’s just that it’s not helping *right now*. “Can I leave this thought for later?“Know which…