Changing ourselves, changing the world

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It's OK to be Negative

  • My Thoughts on the World

    I worry that the comfortable won’t be able to cope

    July 23, 2017 /

    Where is the line between "being comfortable and asleep" and "being so uncomfortable that you are forced to stay awake"? We must fight the system in our "inner worlds" as well.

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  • Stories of my life

    Pause and Coffee. The Art of Gratifying Yourself.

    April 29, 2015 /

    A story about a cup of coffee and a croissant. Learning gratitude and gratifying myself. All gifts brought to me by poverty.

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themarytracy
We spiral. We go through the same issue, the same We spiral. We go through the same issue, the same story, the same boyfriend, over and over again. But it isn’t “again”. Each time is slightly different. It has to be because everything is different. And we are different. To be sure, we can do our best to change the situation. We can bring in conscious awareness and work with our thoughts, beliefs, stories, in order to change things as much as we can. We are increasing our chances of being done with this lesson. But ultimately, it’s not all up to us. Sometimes the same job will present itself, sometimes the same ex will reappear, sometimes we will react in the same way. Sometimes we aren’t “done” with the lesson and there’s more for us to learn. This can be incredibly frustrating. Especially when we have been putting in the hours. We do our practices, we put in the effort. The yoga, meditation, visualisation, ritual, tarot card reading, astrology. You name it, we’ve done it. And sometimes even our best efforts won’t be enough. We spiral, and here we are again, in this familiar spot. We thought we were done, but we’re not done. We thought we had grown, learned, evolved, matured. We thought we could put it behind us now. We can’t. We’re not ready yet. It’s not time. Then there are “the others”. There are always others, with their stories of triumph over adversity, and lessons learned in self-respect that have brought them their desired lover, career, dream. Never mind the others. Come back to you and your experience. Meanwhile, we spiral. Another turn in the sea shell. Here we are again. Similar but not the same. This time it’s easier, and kinder. We know what to do, if we don’t despair over its reappearance. Accept the turn, bring in your practices, and before you know it, you’ll be out again. Now, where are the tarot cards? #tinywisdom #tinypractice Photo: Llansteffan
Happening this Friday, a workshop for our times. Happening this Friday, a workshop for our times. An honest conversation about depression. What helps and what we can do when it seems like we can't do anything. Free for comrades ✊🏼✊🏼✊🏼 (Link in profile) #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalwellness #depressionawareness #depressionhelp
Yesterday’s workshop was intense. Packed with ev Yesterday’s workshop was intense. Packed with everything I’ve learned in the past 10 years of trying to stay sane while being a engaged in politics. It’s a difficult balance to reach, and there is very little information out there. Hope you find it useful. Have a listen and let me know your thoughts 😊.
The system is collapsing. And this will bring up a The system is collapsing. And this will bring up a lot of stuff for us (you may have noticed!). If we don’t learn how to deal with this, we won’t be able to stand up for change. We need to grow resilient. We need to know when to care for ourselves and when to care for the world. I’ll be teaching all of this on this Friday’s online workshop. (link in profile) #socialjustice #socialjusticewarrior #socialjusticeeducation #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters
I’ve been thinking for days of something to say I’ve been thinking for days of something to say that will help. I’m struggling to concentrate as I watch in horror at what is happening in America, fearing the worst. I want my words to be connected somehow to the world we live in, because our practice has to make sense in our daily lives. Otherwise it becomes, to borrow a word from young activists today, “performative”. We must come up with our own medicine, for this time, this struggle. Here’s something to remember: violence starts with ourselves. It starts with us being violent towards ourselves. The amount of love, compassion and understanding I have for other people has grown hand in hand with the love, compassion and understanding I have for myself. Here are some of the sneaky ways we are violent towards ourselves: * We believe our worthiness depends on how much money we make * We believe our worthiness depends on how hard we work * We believe our worthiness depends on how we look * We believe our worthiness depends on our job and status * We tell ourselves some variation of “It’s fine, I’m not feeling this”, when we are not fine and we are feeling things. We bottle up our feelings * We don’t listen when our bodies need rest, or nourishment, or water, or movement * We force ourselves to do what we don’t want to do, we “push through” our discomfort We literally do this every day and we never notice. So the question becomes: how can we practice not being violent to ourselves? They key is in the word “practice”. We do little and often. We notice when we are being violent to ourselves and we say “ok, here I am assuming I’m worthless because I haven’t been as productive as I wished, ok, good noticing, that’s where I am”. We make space for our experience without showing more violence towards ourselves. No, this doesn’t mean that we stop fighting to end racism. It doesn’t mean that we don’t use force. It means that we change the way we relate to ourselves. We have to do both. #tinypractice Photo: roses blooming in what’s essentially apocalyptic soil. They keep going. Also, I’ve watered them with a lot of coffee. We do what we can. ❤️
Tiny Practice: keep going. Some times when you ca Tiny Practice: keep going. Some times when you can’t go on any more, and that’s legitimate. There are times for pausing and respecting that pause. And there are times when you think you can’t go on anymore, but you also wish you could. You want to move, but also, you can’t. How do you move past this state of resistance and fighting with yourself? Acknowledgement. You acknowledge the part of you who wants to go on, and the part that doesn’t. You make space for both of them to have a say. You listen to them. And then, you reach some kind of resolution that honours both. Maybe you can’t write a whole essay, but you can create a new file. Maybe you can’t plan a whole to do list, but you can write down one thing. Maybe you can’t clean the whole house, but you can wipe one shelf. Maybe you can’t do everything, but you can do something. OK, so it might not be as big as you wish, but it still counts, because it’s symbolic. Because you listened to your whole self, both “sides” of you, and you took action accordingly. And that’s huge. That’s where the real work is. Because writing an essay or cleaning the house is something you have to do “today”. But learning how to relate to yourself? That’s something that will serve you your whole life. #TinyPractice #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth Photo: garden rose. See this rose? Its leaves have stains. Its buds have aphids. And it still blooms. It keeps going. It does what it can. So can you. ❤️
Tiny Practice: choosing who you want to be Here’s what you do: You list the qualities you wish you could have Try to picture yourself with these qualities And then find a way to interact with this version of yourself, maybe ask for guidance, or try imagine what it would be like to be them Example! I want to be: confident, calm, grounded, mature, pro-active, decisive. What would this version of me look like? What would it feel like to be her? What would she do? Once I could “tune in” to this version of me, I could take action from her perspective, and I knew what I had to do. This practice takes time, but you can always start small by invoking a single quality you want to embody, and try to feel it, or imagine what it would feel like. #TinyPractice Photo: Brian, sporting his new collar
Tiny Practice: Gratitude (small things) In honour Tiny Practice: Gratitude (small things) In honour of my Birthday, which lasts all week (in my head!), I want to invite you to practice gratitude, but in a way that isn’t too scary. I am a big fan of practicing in small, doable ways. Everything counts! So here are some ways to practice gratitude: * Invoking it. Say the word, out loud or in your mind. And just focus on the feeling of being grateful. * Place a hand on your heart and feeling gratitude for your breath. * Bring your attention to your feet and feel gratitude to the Earth. “Thanks for supporting me, Earth!" * List things you’re grateful for. You can get creative and start small. “Thank you, coffee, for existing”. “Thank you, Sun, for shining”. “Thank you, plants, for growing after I planted you”. * Move your body, or dance (badly!), and feel grateful for the ability to move. * Think of your favourite author, and give a silent thanks that they have written the words you love so much. “Thank you, Charles Eisenstein!" Remember: start small. Gratitude can be a complex, challenging feeling, because it can trigger feelings of insecurity and unworthiness. I have certainly cried from gratitude more than once. So start small. Always remember that even small things have symbolic power, because our subconscious registers everything. And if you can’t bring yourself to feel gratitude? You notice that. You say to yourself “Hey, you know what, I can’t feel gratitude right now, and that’s ok”. Because noticing how you feel and letting yourself feel it, is the absolute first step to everything. #TinyPractice #mentalhealth Photo: Betty Gloom. When you’ve brought one too many mice into the house and your humans have had it, you get given a collar with a bell. She’s not impressed. But it’s a nice collar, it has rhinestones!
Tiny Practice: Return to Safety Of the most essen Tiny Practice: Return to Safety Of the most essential skills you can learn is how to return to a feeling of safety. Here are a few examples of what might help: * Going back to your breath. Inhaling gently to the count of 4, exhaling gently to the count of 4. * Taking a nap * Lying down on the floor with the knees up, hand on your belly or chest. * Simply ask yourself “What would help me feel safe now?" * Add a “buffer”. Wait before replying to that message / making that decision,. * Yawn, stretch your arms, twist your body gently * Listen to calming music. Or nature sounds. Or soft drums. * Sit in meditation and bring awareness to your seat, and imagine you are connected by an invisible thread to the centre of the Earth Simply inquiring “what would help me feel safe” and regularly trying things is enough to start getting an idea of what safety feels like. Why is it important to know how to return to safety? Because when you know, at the back of your mind, that you have the power to feel safe, then you can go and attempt new possibly scary things out in the world. #TinyPractice #safetyfirst Photo: Brian, feeling safe. Box by @farmco.wales, purveyors of fine vegetables and cat beds 😄
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Podcast! “Mental Health for Political Activists”

http://turnwiddershins.co.uk/Gatherings/Mental%20Health%20for%20Political%20Activists.mp3

Podcast! “What to do when we feel overwhelmed”

http://www.turnwiddershins.co.uk/Gatherings/What%20to%20do%20when%20we%20feel%20overwhelmed.mp3

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