• Stuff you can try,  Working with Stuff

    “All my friends will leave me” – How to work with fear

    The challenge is to separate the emotions from the story. Acknowledge the emotions, and let go of the story. So many people cannot differentiate between the two. They see an emotion, and have to destroy it. They go straight into discrediting the story, sacrificing the emotion in the process. Let’s look at an example, or this will never make sense. Right now I am deep inside this story: all my friends will leave me because I am a big failure. My emotions are… oh, Heaven knows. I don’t have to know what they are, I just have to feel them and remind myself that they are legitimate. I think I’m…

  • Stories of my life

    What do I know about poverty?

    It all begun with this question. “What do you know about poverty, Mary?” You know how people in business sites and self-help sites (which should be one and the same) are always telling you that “people will be attracted to your flaws”? Yeah, I don’t believe it either. I mean, here I am exposing my flaws regularly on this here blog, and… where are all those people who are supposed to be attracted to me again? This is probably my stuff talking. It definitely sounds like my stuff. The whole “people will be attracted to your flaws” feels true. It may not “seem” true, according to my stuff. But it…

  • Working with Stuff

    The Fear of Being Single

    Why yes, we are talking about being single. Yet again. It all begun when I run into this article by Sara Eckel. Apparently, the “fear of being single” makes us choose bad partners. Then I was reading Martha Beck’s “Steering by Starlight” and she got to this concept that “you attract people when you are happy and you repel people when you are miserable”. She says: “In a self-critical, fear-based mindset, the clients seem to physically repel people (..) But when my clients managed to hold on to thoughts of being worthy and loveable, others move towards them (…)”. From there on, people make all sorts of wild jumps and…

  • My Thoughts on the World,  Working with Stuff

    Bullshit, a partial definition

    We are designed to align with Truth. To seek it, to connect to it, to remember it. That’s what most spiritual and religious practices are based on: rituals to remind us to keep connecting to Truth. Why? Because we forget… We forget about what is True. And so we become obsessed with things that aren’t “Truth”. And in this obsessing, these things become “Bullshit”. Bullshit: things that aren’t Truth, elevated to the place of Truth We become obsessed with status, and whether other people like us or not. We obsess about following the correct “procedures” and “systems”. We want bigger wages, fancier “titles”, more followers… And we forget about Truth……

  • Stuff you can try,  Working with Stuff

    Using Lovers

    My ex used to say that women want men the way they want fashion accessories. “They want men like they want a purse“. My ex was an arsehole. So there’s that. I’ve been noticing lately how and when I hanker for a man And the truth is… Not flattering. When I’m bored, and I crave entertainment. When I feel sad, or lonely, and I want a hug. When I feel insecure, and I want reassurance. When I panic about “what am I doing with my life!!!” and I want reassurance. When I want access to comfort and luxury and safety, and I imagine that a man would be the ticket…