Exactly one week ago today, a “Tiny Miracle” took place.
It got me thinking about miracles…
I’ve always wanted miracles in my life. Always, always. Ever since I was small.
I don’t know why.
I suppose I wanted the Universe to show up and give me proof that it was on my side. That I wasn’t all alone. That I wasn’t doomed to suffer for all eternity.
I wanted proof that the Universe didn’t hate me.
It feels like what happened last week was a tiny miracle.
I can’t describe it in any other way.
I don’t know how it happened. I cannot think what I have done differently for what happened to have happened.
I cannot think of how “I made it happen”.
So, I’m just going to assume… I didn’t.
I didn’t make it happen.
I mean, I did set things up for it to happen.
But I didn’t have the last say.
Wanting a Miracle
There is something I want. A Big Miracle.
I’ve wanted it for as long as I can remember.
And everything I have ever experienced in this life reinforces the story that says “this is not possible”.
I gave in to that story many times in the past. Reluctantly.
I accepted, nay, “settled” for what I thought was… “possible”.
And it only led to tragedy. And so much pain.
And because tragedy and pain were no longer an option, I began to practice believing.
Notice that I say “practice”, a word which here means: try, try, try again a million times, while you wonder if you are getting anywhere at all.
I want something that seems impossible.
I don’t have the slightest bit of evidence that this thing might be possible… ever…
I have regular panic moments, when the “impossible” story gets reinforced.
Usually when I’m interacting with other people. Other men.
The Impossible Story says “this is how things are, you see; this is what is possible, and yes, it is f*cked up, but this is the only thing that is possible, sorry”.
My mind cannot come up with a “possible”, a way this thing I want could exist.
My mind cannot come up with a way to bring this thing into my life.
It tries… Boy, it tries. It thinks all sorts of things.
Bless my mind, it’s doing its best. It’s trying to help.
But the fact is… I cannot imagine a way for this Miracle to happen.
I just can’t imagine it happening.
Because my mind is limited to this current story… And it cannot imagine what is possible in a bigger story.
A miracle is the bridge between an old story and the bigger story.
I want this thing that seems impossible.
I am not going to stop wanting it. (so all the voices that have been telling me to stop for over 20 years? Yeah, that did not work)
I don’t know how to believe in this new story.
Perhaps I don’t need to.
Thinking back to this Tiny Miracle
What did I do? Well… I believed it was possible. I mean, a little bit possible.
I thought “what is possible is this: maybe only a tiny bit, and then maybe a bit more as time goes by”.
Instead what I got was: without warning, without any belief, in fact, having given up on believing, all of a sudden boom, not just a tiny bit, but more than a tiny bit. Inexplicable. And wonderful.
I’m going to practice holding these beliefs
Notice that I say “practice”. I don’t have to believe them completely.
I just need to remember that they exist.
More is possible than I know.
The Universe is wiser than me.
And practice even more
- I am leaving the Miracle to the Universe.
I mean, it’s already in the Universe’s hands. Because everything is.
All I can do is set things up. As best I can.
- Connect to my Truth and my Soul. To the “Magic That Is Me”.
And open my heart. And open my heart some more.
- Even though I believe this miracle to be impossible, there are things I can do right now.
- Work with my pain.
- Soften. Practice connecting to Peace, Love and Truth.
- Notice when I don’t believe.
And notice when I do believe. Because secretly, on occasion, I do.
- Give thanks and send love to my mind, my “old story”, my “limiting beliefs”. They are trying to make things happen. They loves me, they do what they can. Because it’s all they know.
- And of course: practice gratitude.
And a last wish:
May we all encounter miracles, and accept our invitation into a bigger world.
Here’s Charles Eisenstein again.
In the passage from one world to the next, the first miracle we accept gives us hope — the glimpse of a new possibility. The next miracle takes us beyond hope into belief. Belief invites even more miracles, and it bootstraps into faith — living in the miraculous. Finally, when the miraculous is normal, faith turns into knowing, and we become the masters of miracles, which are miracles to us no longer. Yet always, an even bigger world awaits.
An even bigger world awaits.
And if you wish to celebrate with me, quietly and warmly, the appearance of my Tiny Miracle, I would love that too.