Note: This post might make no sense.
That said, if you are a survivor of sexual trauma, or know of one, you might want to read my story.
It happened on my way to work.
“One More Day”, from Les Miserables, was playing in my ears.
And I suddenly had this realisation:
“The Return of Romance”.
The belief in Romance rising from the ashes and coming back. Stronger. Wiser.
This may need some explaining…
It has to do with my history of trauma.
Specifically, my trauma around… sex. (*mouths word like Miranda*)
Two kinds of innocence
The first, is the innocence of not having known evil.
The second, is the innocence of having known it… and actively choosing to believe in good regardless.
I was very innocent.
And very afraid.
I was afraid that “The Worst Should Happen”.
And in that way the Universe has, the thing I was most afraid of… happened.
Innocence met evil.
A lot of healing has taken place since then.
Most of it, thankfully, without my conscious acknowledgement. (thanks, yoga)
And now I stand here, having known evil, choosing to believe in good.
I am now able to look at evil straight in the eye and say “you can’t crush me, I still believe in good”.
My belief in Love and Romance in the world of sex has been strengthened. Many, many times over.
I can now access a place of pure love and no fear. Zero fear.
I have returned to innocence
I have returned to innocence.
I actively choose to believe in the nature of Love and Romance in sex.
Despite all “evidence” to the contrary.
Despite the tons and tons of cultural crap that says “sex equals evil”.
Despite all the people who insist in acting out “sex as evil”.
Despite the experiences I’ve had.
I stand here, with renewed belief in the power of Love and Romance.
Yes, all the fairy tales, all the Sailor Moon-based ideas about Romance, all the Disney-stories… They were all true.
Underneath all the crap, sex is Love, sex is Romance.
Because I choose to believe that.
And because I now feel it as Truth.
My innocence wasn’t crushed.
It now glows brighter than it ever has.
And I’m ready to stand up and say to the world “sex is Love, sex is Romance, that is its true nature”.