Stories of my life

Even Though

rain

You want something, but you think you shouldn’t want it.

That’s what being in resistance looks like.
And one way to get out of it is to practice “even though”, and acknowledge conflicting thoughts and feelings.

Here is something I wrote, when I was in a… state of despair. As I often am.

Top Swirly

Even though I am old and ugly… Possibly uglier than I’ve ever been before…

Even though I am positive that what I dream of is impossible

Even though I am convinced that I have no right to want what I want, dream what I dream, because who am I to want and dream so big?

Even though I am positive that nothing good will ever happen to me because I am too ugly

Even though I am unbearably poor and unglamorous and haven’t achieved anything in my life

Even though everything I have attempted has simply not-worked

Even though I have prayed and wished for years and years and years and years and nothing happened

Even though I don’t do yoga regularly enough and therefore I have a flab body

Even though I am most certainly not beautiful enough

Even though I am poor beyond poor and a failure beyond failure

Even though I have all the issues and all the anxiety and people tend to not like me

Even though I spend most of my time in bed

Even though I am not doing anything useful with my life

Even though logic seems to indicate my life will pass by without anything awesome ever happening, without money, without adventure, without comfort, without travelling

Even though I feel like crying so hard right now I can actually picture myself screaming in madness

Even though I have nothing to offer anyone

I am going to lay down tonight and accept that this is where I am, and try to acknowledge the tiny part of me that continues to glow and not give up and continues to dream the Dream and refuses to compromise on anything less than the Dream.
Yes. Even though it feels impossibly unlikely.
Still.

Borrom Swirly