An open letter to friends, family and other people who care about me:
I would first like to thank you for being in my life. And for caring about me. This means a lot, even if I can’t show it most of the time.
I have a small favour to ask of you.
You see, I’ve been working with my issues lately, trying to heal myself. And this process requires me to fully acknowledge and validate my pain.
Here’s how you can help me, if you want:
Please don’t question my feelings. Please don’t invalidate my reasons for being in pain.
Telling me that “I’m being silly for worrying about this thing”, or “caring so much about that other one”, doesn’t actually help me.
Similarly, telling me that “things will get better” or that “I’ll find someone” doesn’t help either.
Because, guess what! Sometimes things don’t “get better” and I don’t “find someone”, and I’m legitimately sad about that.
I know you mean well. I know you’re just trying to cheer me up so that I’m not upset anymore because you would far prefer it to see me happy. And I’m on board with this. I too want to be happy.
But you see, telling me to wait for a better future doesn’t help me cope with the pain I feel in the present.
And telling me I have no reason to worry about the fact that “things are not better” doesn’t take away the pain of things being the way they are.
I need to feel this pain, and grieve, and learn what I need to learn. This is essential for my healing process.
If you want to support me, I would love it if you did this:
when you hear me complaining about my life, or expressing my pain, just nod and say “I’m sorry”.
That’s all I ask of you: nod and say “I’m sorry”.
I may cry after you do this, and that may be weird. But please understand that it’s not your fault, it’s just me allowing my pain to flow.
If you can’t do this, then that’s ok, you don’t have to do anything.
But please don’t deny my pain; I have legitimate reasons for experiencing it, even if those reasons seem crazy to you.
Please respect my process. This is how I’m working with my pain.
Thanks so much for being in my life.
Love as always,
Feel free to share it with your friends and family.
And I’m wishing you courage, because asking for support is super, extremely hard and scary.