I think I’ve made it to the other side.
I am now in the land of “no hope”.
And it’s ok…
I’m writing a post about it, but for now, I will say this: it’s not as grim as one might think at first.
- More being on my own. Liking my own company, and the person I am when I’m on my own.
- Getting stuck on “putting the writing out there in the world”. Nothing seems to fit. A breath for patience.
- Lots of exploring the… deeper, “darker” places of the inner world. It is challenging, it is scary… it is necessary. And in the end, it’s even beautiful.
- Beautiful music. A breath for magic. And yay, for musicals.
- The peace that comes from being “on the other side”, from abandoning hope.
- Pizza. Yes, yay for pizza. One can have too much “healthy food”.
- A party! An actual party! Yay for company.
- A party! Actual humans! Social anxiety! The shock of seeing how my “by myself-self” is so different to my “with others-self”. A breath for patience.
- I spent time with three couples, and didn’t go neurotic about it. I never thought I would see the day when I can spend time with coupled people and not lose my marbles. Yay for progress.
- Growing up. This is what it’s all about. A breath for the challenges that come from living.
Moments of Insight
“Abandon hope”. So says Pema Chodron in her book “When Things Fall Apart”.
“We are all addicted to hope. Hope that the doubt and mystery will go away”.
“Hope and fear come from feeling that we lack something; they come from a sense of poverty. We can’t simply relax with ourselves. We hold on to hope, and hope robs us of the present moment.”
Let’s just say that living with “no hope”, or at least with a very diminished sense of “hope”, is… interesting.
I am more present, and accepting of things as they are. And I’m in far less pain.
Bonus Insight! Not for the first time, I said to myself: “So long as my heart vibrates to soul-moving music, I cannot be all that “wrong””.
Things of Considerable Worth (Un-missables!)
Tara already has a place in my “Rockstars and Resources” page.
I got her audio programme “Radical Self-Acceptance”, and I highly recommend it.
- Pema Chodron, “When Things Fall Apart”
Both Pema and Tara are the real deal when it comes to dealing with serious stuff.
When I’m going through Serious Stuff, I know that only the “real deal”, the “pure distilled essence of truth” can reach me.
In fact, going through “Serious Stuff” may be *the way* to internalise those lessons on the spiritual path that seemed so… “detached”.
So my advice is: keep the “real deal” sources of truth close to you.
When the cheese hits the fan, you might find yourself needing them.
We made it through another log! This is getting easier. I’m happy about that.