This week was… busy. Though, rather, it was more like “returning to busy”.
Busy as routine, rather than “exceptional thing that happens on occasion”.
I don’t like it. I can’t understand why people put up with it.
- Meeting up with Friends. Support and love.
- Things feeling awesome and “OK” for one precious minute, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
- Growing pains. I am positive that I’m going through some kind of steep learning curve right now, but boy does it require patience!
- Wanting something, feeling close to it, but uncertainty about having it.
- People’s stuff gets triggered by my presence. Why. Why does people’s stuff get triggered by my presence? I go out of my way to not be “important” enough to have power to make people go through… anything. Their stuff shouldn’t be triggered by my presence at all! (yes, I do acknowledge the self-sabotage, *making myself smaller* pattern, etc)
- Stress. I do not like. I want to live in peace and quiet.
- Getting praise, even if it’s tiny. It always blows my mind.
- Dealing with BS. Everyone knows it’s BS. But apparently, we all have to pretend it isn’t, because that’s how the world works.
- My stuff about “where am I going with my life!!!” got triggered a lot. Also the “why am I not more successful!!!” stuff.
- Going shopping and not falling apart. Yay.
Moments of Insight
Realisation: I don’t want to act on my business from a state of anxiety.
I don’t want to act from “OMG, we need to make money, we need subscribers, OMG, we need to post, we need to update things, we need to write copy, OMG, PANIC!!! Awooga!!!“.
Yeah, that. It doesn’t serve me.
And it doesn’t serve Widdershins.
My business is not a repository for my anxiety about “where am I going, what am I doing with my life?!?!“. That’s the pattern. I panic “omg, my life is frittering away, and I’m getting older, and I’m not doing all the things I want to do!!! OMG!!! Life anxiety!!!“.
I panic like that and then I force myself to work on my business.
Surprisingly! It doesn’t work. I end up not doing much work, and it doesn’t feel good, and the anxiety comes back.
I know how to ease the anxiety. And it’s not by working on my business so “I can begin to make money and have the life I want before it’s too late”… Before I’m “too old and ugly”. Whatever. Not healthy.
My business is sacred. Or at least, I want it to be. Because it’s how I fulfilled my mission on this planet, which is to inspire people to heal.
No more panic. Lets turn down the drama dial.
Lets act from peace.
Things of Considerable Worth (Un-missables!)
I mean it. There’s a quiet revolution of consciousness going on. The smartest people and the best ideas are not found in the ivory towers any more. They are challenging everything we know for certain.
Which might explain why I didn’t want to stay within the world of “science”.
This article is fascinating. How often do I feel the pang of “this is truth” and I keep quiet because people are bound to ask “so, Mary… who are *YOU* again? How much money have you made? Oh, right… so, why would anyone listen to you?”.
But what if truth was truth, regardless of where you are in life, or whether you can prove it or not?
I did it! A log, even though I am tired from Busy.
And thanks to this practice for being so gentle.